what did Santa Claus say to Nikki Minaj? I really admire your musical talents

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Why did Micheal fall off his bike? Someone threw a chainsaw at him.

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Why did the man throw the clock out the window? Because he was angry and frustrated with the people in his life, and the ringing clock was the first thing he noticed in his depressed rage.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was making a suicide attempt.

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How do you make sushi if you are a fish? Commit suicide and sell yourelf to a sushi resturant!

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What's funnier than somebody spitting in someone else's food? It's not even funny, it's just plain rude and disgusting.

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What did the boy say to his dad when he realized he was gay? Dad, I'm gay.

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A blind man walks into a bar with a guide dog in one hand and his girlfriend in the other. The bartender says "Nice dog." The blind man says "Thanks."

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Nematode's. A Nematode is a type of round worm that lives under water, and while most are carnivorous, some feed on vegetation, such as pineapples.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Kconk Kconk who? Kconk Ohw Oh yeah, sorry mate, didn't recognise your voice! Come on up, I've got some lagers in the fridge.

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What did one muffin say to the other muffin? Nothing because muffins can't talk. The other muffin replied, 'What an odd conversation starter!'

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Why did the man float in the lake? Because he had more fat than average, so he was very buoyant

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Why? Because!

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According to standard table etiquette what is rude when someone passes you the salt? Jamming a fork in their eye

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Friends are like potatoes. If you eat them they die.

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Why do fancy unicorns wear jackets? Because they're fancy.

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what is pink and fishy? pink fish.

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what do you say to someone acting like an idiot? hey, if you keep acting like an idiot im gunna hit you with a freakin bat , you stupid fubu!

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Republicans

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Q. What is small, ugly and severely asthmatic? A. My younger brother. Jimmy.

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A cow was very inconveniently standing in the middle of a golf course. An alligator dragged the cow into a swamp. The cow dies

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A man is walking down the street when he stumbles upon a school, every school in the area had an American flag outside it, so he sees the flag and atop this flag a man is sitting and he doesn’t look comfortable. Next to the flag pole is a chair with a flag attached to it and the wind is as strong low down. So he looks at the man and says "Sir I think you may be using those wrong." The man on the flagpole says "why?" So he says well this chair is flat and made for sitting and this flag pole has a draw string for the flag. The man atop the flag pole says "I'm sure good will come of this…..im sure." the man says "What good could possibly come of this!" and the man on top of the flag pole looks at him and says "Later……………..you can tell this story to your friends and disappoint them when they find out theirs no punchline."

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Q. What does a rock and a bird have in common? A. Everything. Except a bird can fly and has wings and can breath and eats and makes babies...

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Your mother is so old that her prom theme was fire

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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