Want to hear a joke about my penis? Nevermind it's too long.

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Why did the mother have a club in her hands covered with red liquid? She spilled her bloody murry while playing golf.

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What do you do when life gives you lemons? Life is an abstract object incapable of handing out gifts, thus if given a lemon by life you should go to a doctor to make sure you don't have an undiagnosed disease.

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What's white or grey or brown or green or black or yellow or purple ? Could be almost anything, really.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=LJP1DphOWPs#!

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What does Ke$ha feel like when getting up in the morning? Shit because she has a nasty hangover.

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Joe goes to the bathroom with someone in the next stall named Bill Bill: "Hi" Joe: "Hi" Bill: "How you doing" Joe: "Good" Bill: "You traveling" Joe: "Yes to Alabama" Bill: "Yeah, I got to go a guy in the next stall answering all my questions bye"

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A priest, rabbi, and mormon are arguing about which religion is best. A zookeeper hears and says, "I have a bear who is sleeping right now. How about whoever converts the bear belongs to the best religion?" The priest goes in first, and then walks out a few minutes later, unharmed. The mormon does the same, and he too exits unscathed. The rabbi goes in, and walks out covered in claw marks. "How'd it go?" Said the zookeeper. "Easy." Said the priest. "I just sprinkled some Holy water on him." "I did the same." Said the mormon. The rabbi looked at the zookeeper and said, "have you ever tried to circumcise a bear?"

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Friends are like potatoes. When you eat them, they die.

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A fish swims up stream for his natural spawning cycle. The fish was out of shape and died from heart failure.

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Q: How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Juan

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I saw a butterfly yesterday with no wings so I poured some red bull on it and BAM! it drowned.

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WHATS BALCK AND YELLOW AND UNDER WATER? A BUMBLE BEE IN A SUBMARINE.... YEAH YOU BETTER #$%^ING LAUGH YOU HOMO

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Q: What did Batman say to get robin into the Batmobile? A: Robin, get in the Batmobile!

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What did the rabbit say to the rabbi? ...RABBITS DO NOT TALK! So then the rabbi said, "In that case you must be a hare!"

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2 guys walk on the street and see a pile of crap. One says "That looks like crap." The other one stops and looks at it for a few seconds and says "You're right it is crap." They both avoided stepping on the pile of crap and continued on their walk.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. :D

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Yo momma is so fat, I gave her a cupcake and she enjoyed it.

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Q. On a scale of 1-100, how immature are you? A. 69.

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Why couldn't the blonde drive? Because she was 14, thus incapable of having a drivers license

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Penis-Pump

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Your mama is so ugly that she tried out for America's Next Top Model and did not get in.

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What do you call to guys who gave gave each other HIV? Blood-Brothers

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Why wouldn't the man in a wheelchair see out the window? The curtains were closed

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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