Doctor doctor, I came here as quickly as possible, it was just the nearest place I could find. My dog he... he's panting and bleeding and I don't know what to do I think he's dying and I just want him to hold on... Please... Well then go to a vet you stupid shit.

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Why was the crocodile depressed? It wasn't; given the primitive anatomy of the reptilian brain, modern biopsychoneurological evidence suggests that reptiles feel only basic emotions such as fear or anger.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a homicidal maniac.

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Why did the Nazi shoot the Jew in the head? Because he was a Jew. --ZeNaziGermanDoctor

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A- Knock Knock B- Who's there? A- Soccer!

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A flock of ostriches run into a mine field

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Why did little Bobby put a firecracker in the dog's ass? Don't worry, he used lube.

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Why did Martin go to school with no pants on? Because he had no legs.

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It's weird how two of the SAME jokes can get different ratings.

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what long hard and in a tight hole? a penis in a vagina

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A man is walking down the street when he stumbles upon a school, every school in the area had an American flag outside it, so he sees the flag and atop this flag a man is sitting and he doesn’t look comfortable. Next to the flag pole is a chair with a flag attached to it and the wind is as strong low down. So he looks at the man and says "Sir I think you may be using those wrong." The man on the flagpole says "why?" So he says well this chair is flat and made for sitting and this flag pole has a draw string for the flag. The man atop the flag pole says "I'm sure good will come of this…..im sure." the man says "What good could possibly come of this!" and the man on top of the flag pole looks at him and says "Later……………..you can tell this story to your friends and disappoint them when they find out theirs no punchline."

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What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, she's already been told twice.

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why'd the women leave the kitchen? her chain broke

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Q: What do you get when Justin Bieber gets his own tv show? A: suiside!

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What's the funniest part about this site? You're alone and reading this joke instead of getting a date.

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What's funnier than somebody spitting in someone else's food? It's not even funny, it's just plain rude and disgusting.

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What is the way to a woman's heart? Through her chest cavity.

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Why are Germans good at soccer The Holocaust.

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Old McDonald had a farm But due to the lack of government subsidies, he was unable to make his mortgage payments, causing the bank to foreclose on his property.

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Why are black people so tall ? Genetics. duh.

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Q: What happens when your name is Gretchen Wieners? A: Nothing. your last name is a male sex organ

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why did the black guy get testicular cancer? because he put his balls in the microwave.

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Knock Knock Whose there? Get out of the bathroom Get out of the bathroom who? No, your in the bathroom

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Roses are red Violets are fin I'll be the 6 You be the 9

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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