What's a green tasty vegetable? None, they're vegetables.

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How can you tell if a calendar is popular? From stock order lists and also from accounts records.

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guess what? What? you have to guess...your mama

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Why did the orange drive the tractor? Because he always wanted to go to the moon.

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What is black and hangs from trees in my backyard? Not black berries because black berries come from a bush.

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....ZZzzzzz.....ZZzzzzz.....

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What's worse than having a bad hair day? Vietnam.

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how do u make a sausage roll push it down a hill

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Whats Mary short for? Shes got no legs

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What did the stuffed animal say to the human after the human said hi? Nothing, after all stuffed animals can't talk

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Once, one man had a horse. And the horse had nothing against it

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A germaphobe is in a room full of sick people. He leaves.

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How do you baby sit a black child? Entertain him with stimulating games to help with his cognitive growth.

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What did Michael Jackson think when someone threw a tomato off his head? The same as he was thinking before it happened, because everything that goes through Michael Jackson's head is pornographic images.

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Why are hookers and babies so alike? You can have sex with both.

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What did the kid use to smell his food His nose

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A proton and a neutron talk to each other. Two atoms are walking down the street one day, and one of them says to the other: "Hey, wait up a second. I think I lost an electron" The first atom replied, "Are you sure?" The second atom said, "Oh, wait. Never mind. I found it."

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I saw a man with a hungry look in his eye, like the kind you get from not eating for a while

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What's black, white, green, red, blue, orange, gray, purple, and yellow? My art project.

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"My foot is killing me" "no, actually it's that noose around your neck"

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Why did the donkey fall over Because it had A diabetic foot infection and had to have a non traumatic amputation of the lower hind leg.

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how do you wake up lady gaga? scream in her ear.

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Two guys walk into a bar; A Mexican and a Canadian. The Mexican guy says "Bartender, give me a 2 shots of Tequila, por favor". The Canadian guy says "Bartender, give me a shot of Club and a Molson, eh". They continue to drink until neither can feel the crippling pain of their mundane lives - then they each leave the bar, walk home and sleep alone.

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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