Why was the fish swimming on the water? Oh wait it's dead

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My neighbor's kid was running around yelling magical spells. I said "Wow, you really want to be like Harry Potter, don't you?". He said "Yes!". So, I killed his parents and locked him under the stairs.

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What does shit and fire have in common? Hitler gave both to jews.

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What do you do when a blond ask you a question? Answer politely and thank her for her wonderful question.

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What happened to the baby that wondered into oncoming traffic? It got hit by a truck.

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What do you call a guy so fat that he can't fit in a bath tub? A guy so fat that he can't fit in a bath tub.

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How do you stop 5 black guys from raping a girl? You call the proper authorities. Don't try to be a hero.

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Do you really want to know what i shit? Poo

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black people

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What does KFC stand for? Kids Fattening Center

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Ebola

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Do you have a curfew? No its saturday!

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why did the chicken cross the road cause he was suicidal but a car just didnt happen to hit him.

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Q: What is the likely outcome of anyone who watches 'WWE'? A: They will lose their virginity to a hooker.

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What did the blonde do when she missed bus 40? She waited 30 minutes for it to come back around again.

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What do you call putting a vehicle on the side of the road? Parking.

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Whats green all over and travels at 100mph A christmas tree in a gokart

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What do Bear Grylls drink under breakfast? Tea.

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What do get when you cross a lion and tiger? A liger. This hybrid mammal, only observed in captivity, is the largest of all known felines and is thought to be sterile.

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Why was the black woman poor? Well, she grew up in a wealthy family, but both of her parents died. Her new parents were not very supportive and she began to not care about school. She did not go to college because of this and was not able to get a job. Therefore, she had no money.

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what did the white guy say to the mexican? mow my lawn asshole

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what is worse the Holocaust or slavery? patantan!

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A bold man said "well, here goes nothing!" Moments later, thats what happened

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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