Why was the woman terrified of being screened by the TSA? Because she's embarrassingly obese, liked most Americans.

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What happens when you swallow a battery? You turn into one.

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How did Eric Clapton's son fall to his death? He crawled out the window.

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What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy? Gang-rape.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side.

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Q: What do you call a cow with no legs? A: Evolutionarily destined to be eaten by a predator such as a wolf or coyote, barring haing a defense mechanism that allows it to fend off such attacks.

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I black guy was walking down a street when he saw a beautiful women and said to her that she looked lovely

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Q: What did one raccoon say to the other? A: We do not know, as raccoons do not speak any human language. And no human being can understand or communicate with one.

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what do you call a retarded italian Niko

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A Man walks into a bar, he sits down on a stool and begins to cry. Why are you crying, asks the Bartender. I just lost my job, my wife left me and I had my car reposesed. Ok says the Bartender, I know what'll cheer you up, he promptly pulls out a 12 inch piano and begins to play. The Man at the Bar says, hey thats awesome where did you get it? The Bartender says, a really old Genie gave it to me. You know what, I like you so I am going to let you have my last wish. Really? Asks the man, Ok thanks, I wish for a million bucks said the man at the bar. There was a Loud voice saying "Your Wish has been granted" then the room was full of ducks. Hey! Exclaimed the man, I didn't wish for a million ducks, I wished for a million bucks! Yeah, said the bartender, and I wished for a 12 inch penis...

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Get the FREE anti jokes app with loads and loads of anti jokes anywhere you go, even offline! All the funniest and most popular, and loads more new ones. Why not? After all, it's free! http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/hilarious-anti-jokes-lite/id438092279?mt=8&ls=1

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What's an Animal? A natural periodic state of rest for the mind and body, in which the eyes usually close and consciousness is completely or partially lost, so that there is a decrease in bodily movement and responsiveness to external stimuli. During sleep the brain in humans and other mammals undergoes a characteristic cycle of brain-wave activity that includes intervals of dreaming. ... are you retarded? yes how did you know?

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's wife? Neither has he.

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Dear diary, its day 230, the apple supply's are running low, the doctors are closing in, the dentists have been chanting "its time to go to the dentist" all day, I wont be able to hold them back much longer, help.

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Passing by

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A blonde, brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar. The redhead, growing tired of the constant ridicule directed at her from the other two, kills them. She pleads guilty to 3rd degree murder on two counts and is sentenced two life sentences in a maximum security prison in Cambodia.

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a Squirrl climded a tree to get a nut

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how do you get a clown to fall off a swing? hit it with an axe

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What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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What happened to the boy with AIDS? He died at the age of 12

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Knock knock who's there? A serial rapist, now open up. hmmm... Ok... 3 Days passed before they found the serial rapist dead.

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A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender "one beer please." the bartender proceeds to go into shock as a duck just talked to him

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Don't look! I'm naked! No, seriously! I'm naked!

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What's white on top and black on bottom? Society

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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