knock knock who's there GET IN THE VAN!

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Roses are white, tulips are white, wait whos been masturbating in my garden!

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A; On the other side was another beautiful looking chicken who he plans to marry and raise a family with.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Ask me if I'm a giraffe Are you a giraffe? Yes

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Did you see Ray Charles's house? No. Yeah, neither did he.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did Bill yell? Because he stepped on a nail.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What number comes after 29? 30.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

If there are 500 bricks in an airplane and one falls out how many are there in he plane? 499. Name 3 steps to get a Elephant in a fridge. 1. Open the fridge 2. Put the Elephant in the fridge 3. Close the fridge Name 4 steps to get an Deer in a fridge. 1. Open the fridge 2.Take the Elephant out of the fridge 3. Put the Deer in the fridge 4. Close the fridge The Lion King is having a birthday party. Every animal came, besides one. Who was it? The Deer. Because hes trapped in the Fridge. The Deer manages to escape the fridge, and hes running late. he encounters Crocodile lake. How will he cross it? He will swim through it because the Crocodiles are at the Lion Kings birthday. Then suddenly, The Deer dies. How? The Brick hit him.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A guy walks into a bar. The universe instantly shatters around him under the weight of infinite potential punchlines. He tumbles through the void amongst the shards of his broken reality. This is the worst joke ever.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the woman cross the road? She didn't. They are no roads in the kitchen.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Two rocks are in the playground. Nothing happens, because rocks are not sentient beings and are thus incapable of producing any sort of activity on their own.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

an englishman an irishman and a scotsman walked into a bar there was no welshman. they didn't phone him due to his uncontrollable thirst for violence

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the computer crash? Because the driver transporting the computer to his friend lost control of his vehicle.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What happened to the man that took too much viagra? His erection lasted longer than 4 hours, he's dead now

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How do you wake up your snoring friend? Cut his feet off.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What do you call a pregnant 8-year old? A poor reflection on our society

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why couldn't the man speak any English? Because not everyone can.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What can Harry Potter NOT see with his glasses? His parents...alive.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What is worse than being blind? Having a brain tumour.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

I walked down the street. I picked up a quarter. It was shiny. Then I walked to school. I finished school, so I walked home, did my homework, and went to bed. Lesson learned: quadratic formula

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas? A bike with no handle bars or pedals.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? A= Were both lawyers! What happens every sixty seconds in the us? A= a minute passes!

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What is small, black, and loved by children? An oreo.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why doesnt the ladder work? A ladder is an inaminent object therefore imcapable of having a job.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops