Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting cancer from a horse.

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Why did the black guy go to jail, because he did illegal stuff.

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like for a handjob.

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if two couples walk down the street, when do they die? when a pack of rabid dogs eats them.

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What's the difference between Justin Bieber and a gay guy? They're both gay

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? None, now stop hallutinating about wood chuck.

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What has wings, is bald, and can't fly? A bald eagle. I lied about the part where it can't fly.

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how many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? one and a ladder

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Why did the dog bark? Who knows, dogs bark for many reasons unknown to humans.

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Two nuns walk into a bar. There is a monkey between them, that they are both holding hands with. The bartender looks to them, and says "Hello sisters, I am sorry, but we do not allow wild animals into the bar. He's gonna have to wait outside," to which one of the nuns responds, "Oh, do not worry, this is no monkey, this is one of our sisters." The bartender is very confused. He chuckles, and says "Alright, well then your sister is going to have to wait outside." The sisters look at each other confusedly, but take the monkey outside, put it on a leash, and tie it to a pole. They proceed back inside, have a few drinks, and leave. The next night, the bar is a little more crowded. The bartender looks up and sees the two nuns entering. He checks to make sure there is no monkey with them, and there is not, so he goes back to serving drinks. A few minutes later, the two nuns are at the front of the bar ready to order drinks. The bartender smiles at them, "No monkey this time?" he asks. "Not tonight," says one of the nuns. "Alright," says the bartender, "what can I get you?" "I'll take a double bourbon," says one of the nuns. "I'll have a gin and tonic, and she'll have the same" says the other nun, motioning to a rhinoceros on her left. "What the fuck!!" yells the bartender. "How did you get this inside?! Where did you even get a rhinoceros?" He realizes these questions are unimportant, and runs to call animal control. By the time he turns around, however, the rhinoceros is gone. He goes to talk to the bouncer. "Dude, why do you keep letting in wild animals?" asks the bartender. "The hell are you talking about?" asks the bouncer. "Last night, two nuns walked in with a monkey, and tonight they somehow got a rhino past you. You didn't see that??" the bartender snaps. "Three nuns came in last night, and three came in tonight. No monkey, no rhino," the bouncer tells him. Meanwhile, as they walked home to the convent, one of the nuns says "Man, I haven't been drunk in weeks." One of the other nuns turns to her and says, "Well, maybe you should stop turning into an animal every time we get into a bar."

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Samantha ate 62 cookies. Then she ate 300 more. How many did she eat after that? None she didn't for the next 6 years after developing an eating disorder.

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Why did Bill yell? Because he stepped on a nail.

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your joke is so unoriginal. i had heard the joke before.

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how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? 1027

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What is the Civil War called in Virginia? The War of Northern Aggression.

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Q: Little black thing with a little red thing on it. What is it?! A: Ant with a broken nose...

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what is black and white and red all over a shot to death zebra

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Two men walk into a bar. You would have thought the second one would have ducked.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? 3

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Why did John fall off the tree? We were throwing rocks at him.

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Why did the child die? Natural causes.

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What do video games and school have in common? Nothing, nobody likes school

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If I could change one thing about the alphabet, knd stte bporw xzuor flllle !

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Roses are white, tulips are white, wait whos been masturbating in my garden!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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