What do you call an asian guy in a police uniform? A police officer.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

24!

thumb_up thumb_down +39

How much does a polar bear weigh? The average male weights approximately 1150lbs.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What would Michael Jackson do if he saw a naked child alone in an alleyway? It is unknown, as he cannot be asked about this hypothetical scenario due to his passing in 2009.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What happened to the adventurer ? He took an arrow to the knee and became a guard.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What did the Dog say to the Cat? Nothing, Cats and Dogs are of different species and can therefore not understand one another.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? 17

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What did the kid say when you gave him a cookie? Thank you.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Potato.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What's worse than missing Taco Tuesday? Your whole family dying in a car crash.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

A blind man walks into a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Patient: Doctor, I was cleaning my glass eye and accidentally swallowed it. Doctor: OK. Lean over and spread your legs. Patient: (Leans over and spreads his legs). Doctor: My God! This is the first time, in all my years of practice, that I've ever seen an asshole looking back at me!

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What do you say if you see your TV floating in the middle of the night? I'm not sure, but I would probably have nightmares for a couple weeks.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

There were two muffins in an oven one muffin said, "Is it hot in here or is it just me?" the other muffin said, "AHHH A TALKING MUFFIN!"

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Why did the black man order a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken? His wife just died in a tragic car accident and he is a horrible cook.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

There was a homeless man living all by his lonesome on a street corner, desperately begging for money. Suddenly, a car comes to a screeching halt and out of the window flies a thin, square piece of plastic. The hobo successfully catches it in both hands. "Whats dis?" he says, "What da hick can I do wid a stinkin wada plastic?" he says, failing to realizing the significance of the thin square of plastic, for he is but a hobo and has been out of touch with reality for quite some time. After some time, he gains back his common sense, "Aha!" he shouts, "it is but a condom!" A few days pass, the man wondering alone in search for a way to make use of his prized, plastic square. He encounters a beautiful female hobo (at least he thinks she is) and they make love. So not only does the hobo make use of the silly condom (which expired-he just doesn't know) he get's laid and keeps warm in the brutal winter weather by getting cozy with the hobo chick. There are some pros in being a hobo, you know. After a month, both hobos make the faithful decision to join their cardboard boxes together, thus creating a new home where they live happily ever after <3

thumb_up thumb_down +31

p p p penis. penis's are big and juicy

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What has 3 legs? An abnormal human.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

25

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What's funnier than Carrot Top and Dane Cook combined? Almost anything.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

How did th-A fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

My friend is a genius! JK!......... i have no friends

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What did one wall say to the other? Walls don't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why was Little Susie's IQ less than 30? Because, she is mentally retarted.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops