How many times have I told you not to do that? Fourteen.

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels

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Women.

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do you like fishsticks? yes they are quite delicious

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You know what isn't funny? AIDS. You know what is? Brittany Spears with AIDS...

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman.

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What do you call a black priest? Religious.

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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A Jew picked up a penny. He thought his beard matched the guy on the coin.

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Where was Susie when the bomb exploded? Everywhere

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What do you call a former pope. Dead!

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How many prostitutes do I have to kill in order to get an erection? Three.

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What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin getting crushed by a sledgehammer.

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What did the rabbit say to the rabbi? ...RABBITS DO NOT TALK! So then the rabbi said, "In that case you must be a hare!"

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How did Suzy die She choked on a Pick-Up Truck

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Japan called... They need help.

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A guy walks into a bar. The universe instantly shatters around him under the weight of infinite potential punchlines. He tumbles through the void amongst the shards of his broken reality. This is the worst joke ever.

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What is Bigfoots favorite food? Biscuits and Gravy.

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Why doesn't Gary like me? Because I killed his family and fed them to him.

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Roses are red, violets are blue. Grass is green.

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what do you call a kid without arms and legs? names

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Q: What did the chinese man say to the other Chinese man? A: I don't know, I don't sneak Chinese

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Why did jack smell smoke in his neighborhood? His house burnt to the ground.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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