A marine biologist is captured by a group of violent pirates. After hours of being tortured, the pirates make him walk the plank. As he is pushed on to the plank, they ask him for his one last request. He responds "Kill yourselves." The pirates proceed to stab themselves until they bleed out and the marine biologist is the last man on the boat.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What is Beethoven's favorite fruit? While Beethoven enjoyed many different varieties of fruit, he found strawberries the most appealing.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q: How do you get a kleenex to dance? A: Put a little boogey in it!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

hi corey

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Fire extinguishers are sexy.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How its supposed to go: Knock knock Who's there? I eat mop. I eat mopwho? How my friend Cassidy did it: Knock knock Who's there? I eat my poo! Oh wait I screwed up.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Your mom's so fat that she went in to get liposuction and subsequently died from infection.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was the World Chicken Road Crossing Competition.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Where did the Welsh man work? At an office complex.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

My butt!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

hiya im writing this coz im drunk and ktieally slumped over the keyobard i feel relaly sick man and i dunno why i;lm teling you this, coz i should reallyt nbe om nrd ny noe. goodnight antijokers

thumb_up thumb_down +6

whats the difference between a jew and a boyscout? A boyscout comes home from camp.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Nero, I understand, what I thought was correct, was to teach people to understand those exact words that you are conveying. Its not that, I am afraid of showing the world the man that I am. But rather that I am not a man, I admire your vision, and tried to follow it, as we got much in, common, I can think as an individual and still admire your work. But you know how society is built, if too many find out I am a woman, then that not only reveals that I have been lying to them, which I have, but also that well, women are not exactly seen as equals, I know I never was, all people ever saw in me was "a great pair of tits".

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q-How do you kill an elephant? A- An elephant gun Q- How do you kill a blue elephant? A- A blue elephant gun Q- How do you kill a red elephant? A- Strangle it until it turns blue then use a blue elephant gune Q- How do you kill a purple elephant?

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A scotsmen, an Irishman and an Englishman all walk into a bar. The publican had accidentally left the door unlocked and the bar was in fact closed. So they left.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Guess what? Holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How can you tell that your friend just had sex with a blonde? The girl he just had sex with has blonde hair.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did Death say to Life? "Look, I respect that you waited till after I broke up with Sandy to ask her out, but it's still a little akward for me, so although there are no hard feelings, it's probably better if we keep our distance from each other for awhile."

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Funny joke to play on an elderly woman: Take her cane and push her In front of a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A) why did the black guy leave the bar B) cause he was tired and wanted to go home

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A Black man, a Mexican, and a Midget, get in a car. They drive to the county fair and get snow cones and have a really fun time.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: What's the difference between a basket of tennis balls and a basket of dead baby heads? A: One is used for the sport of tennis the other is a basket of tennis balls!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Miranda Cosgrove's singing career. ......Thats it. Thats the joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops