How do you keep an extraordinary magician from performing his show? Replace his shampoo with battery acid

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Someone threw a fridge at her...

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A- Knock Knock B- Who's there? A- Soccer!

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Why doesn't Michael Jackson sleep with boys anymore? -Because he is dead.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Pen. Pen who? Pen is blue. The pen is blue. THE GOD DAMN PEN IS BLUE!!!!

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Facebook...

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What's orange and doesn't bounce? A flat basketball

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There is a knock on the door. Little Jimmy comes dowstairs opens the door and standing in the door way is the axe wielding manic fromTexas Chainsaw.

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The man with a long history of Alzheimer's once said: Roses are red, Violets are blue, Cheese n' toast

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What was the pirate movie rated? PG-13 actually because, despite the potentially graphic nature of the previews, the creators scaled down mature content so that it could reach a wider audience.

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Do thumbs down me likes in this anti joke website?

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what's red and smells like water? Red food-coloured water.

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How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen snort? Enough to kill 3 and a half men.

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why are gays soo happy , becuase the dont have to listen to women

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I see, said the deaf man to the blind guy.

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Nipples+poop= good stuff. Hellllll yeaaahhhh

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What's the funniest part about this site? You're alone and reading this joke instead of getting a date.

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This night was a stormy one, alot was destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could blind some. Jonny lived in a village atop a hill. Citizens were frightened for their lives, all but Jonny. He was bullied from the age of 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest. Fear in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He said to himself, there will be nothing worse out there than Uncle Clive's Magical Basement. Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible. Finally, Rosie, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonny's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a carton of Ribena and his lucky medal and took his first step outside. He took the carton of Ribena, crumpled it up, spraying fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and shouted, "Nothing will stop me!". Jonny died shortly after of AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 5 years in prison for child molestation and consistant child abuse. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

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A flock of ostriches run into a mine field

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You momma's so ugly your dad left her.

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A man walks into a bar and says "ouch."

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why wouldn't the boy shake his teachers hand? his abusive father cut it off with an axe when he was a child

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Nero, I understand, what I thought was correct, was to teach people to understand those exact words that you are conveying. Its not that, I am afraid of showing the world the man that I am. But rather that I am not a man, I admire your vision, and tried to follow it, as we got much in, common, I can think as an individual and still admire your work. But you know how society is built, if too many find out I am a woman, then that not only reveals that I have been lying to them, which I have, but also that well, women are not exactly seen as equals, I know I never was, all people ever saw in me was "a great pair of tits".

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How do you confuse a Mexican? several large eggs

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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