How do you make a blonde scream? Set her on fire.

What's the sound of victory? The sound of a knife cutting into a baby.

Knock knock! Who's there? Elton. Elton who? Elton John

There once was a man in Peru, Who dreamt he was eating his shoe. He was promptly taken to the hospital but died from infection.

Why'd the chicken cross the road? It didn't. Chickens are raised on farms, which are away from society. They are taken care of in pens, and have no way of escaping. Therefore it couldn't have crossed any roads.

what did the little girl with no arms or legs get for her birthday? a bike.

What three letters alter boys into men and girls into women? The letter containing their bank card, the letter containing their national insurance card and the letter accepting them into a job or higher education placement.

Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have Tourette's, Cheese on toast.

Q: What is the difference between a black man and a Park bench? A: A park bench is an inanimate object.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's blind. Also, she's been dead for 43 years.

What's the funniest part about this site? You're alone and reading this joke instead of getting a date.

Q: What's funnier than a dead baby? A: Two dead babies.

My name is never spelt right so its all good

Why didn't Jane buy an ice-cream? Because she was lactose intolerant.

Why can't stars marry? Because they are masses of incandescent gas and thus have no feelings.

What is wrong with this phrase? The next line is false. The first line is true. Answer: llamas

What do you call a man with no heart? Dead.

What do you call poop in a black man's toilet? Poop.

Why did the fat guy get a gun? Because he was tired of all the fat jokes...

What is black, white, and red, and can't turn around in a hallway? A nun with a spear through her head.

I farted once. Haiti took the brunt of it.

Do Minnesotans have accents? Oh ya, you betchya.

What do you call a black man flying a plane. A pilot.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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