What is green and red all over? The Hulk's Penis in a blender

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if life gives you lemons...chuck them back and say i wanted muffins instead!!!!

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Tom Petty walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, you are visibly intoxicated. We cannot sell you liquor." The bar explodes because someone said no to Tom Petty.

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Dear Board of education, so are we.

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Nothing yet CC

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Me: "Dad! Can you make me a sandwich?" Dad: "Poof! You are now a sandwich."

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milk,eggs,butter,deodorant,chocolate syrup,chile powder,dildo,bacon

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What call a black man flying a plane? A pilot you racist.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Simple poke her face.

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What is the difference between an Irishman and a plank of wood? Almost everything, including anatomy, chemical make up, mass etc

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What did the bi-polar girl do when she found our her ex-boyfriend was living with another woman? Nothing; she was happy for their new relationship and realized life moves on, in addition to taking the appropriate amount of medicine as directed by her doctor for her condition.

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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general tso's broccoli

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If you're doing a maths test, what type of pickles are best when licking a baseball bat? Sasquatch

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How did bob Marley quit doing Drugs?

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What did the Englishman say to the Irishman? "I am from England"

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A man walks into a bar. Now I have to kill you, because that's top secret information.

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Why did the chicken cross the road... He wanted to get away from all those jerks who kept asking him why he made the decisions that he did. he later committed suicide...

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A horse walked into a bar. Animal control was immediately called and the horse was returned to it's original owner.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? Neither has he.

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Why was the crocodile depressed? It wasn't; given the primitive anatomy of the reptilian brain, modern biopsychoneurological evidence suggests that reptiles feel only basic emotions such as fear or anger.

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A marine biologist is captured by a group of violent pirates. After hours of being tortured, the pirates make him walk the plank. As he is pushed on to the plank, they ask him for his one last request. He responds "Kill yourselves." The pirates proceed to stab themselves until they bleed out and the marine biologist is the last man on the boat.

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Ok, I'll go ask someone else.

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A black man walks out of a store with a receipt.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops