- Anti Joke

Tommy has no arms and legs. What did he get for Christmas? Cancer

Why did the child step on a ball?

what did the train say to the other train choo chooo

Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No. Ask me if I'm a bush. Are you a bush? No.

What do you call someone with no legs? whatever their name is, physical appearance should have no bearing on someones title.

A blonde walks into an electronics store. She asks the clerk how much a television costs. He said that they don't serve blondes. The blonde files a lawsuit and is victorious by ruling of descrimination.

Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because it was a rather hot day and his attention was momentarily directed towards something else.

Where was Susie when the bomb exploded? Everywhere

If a man shouts in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? He could be, he could not be. It really depends on what he says. The greater concern is that he's shouting alone in the forest. Either he's in trouble or he has a major psychology disorder.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

how did hitler fit 100 Jews in his car??? he couldn't, his car only fits 5 people.

your mom is so stupid, she once wrote a math test and didn't do very well.

I like my coffee like my women. Without a penis.

Why did Sara fall off the swings? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Sara.

Why didn't the chicken cross the road? KFC was on the other side

What's long, hard, and full of semen? a penis.

So there's A blonde, a brunette and a redhead at a lake. they all swim across and have a picnic at the other end.

A: Knock Knock! B: No ones home.

Dan, a 17 year of age male walks into a poor, raggedy bar. The bartender ask for I.D. But Dan continues to walk to the back at a corner booth with his name carved on the wall of the booth. Dan sits downs and begins to cry as the bartender pours a shot glass full of a light whiskey and gives it to him hopes of cheering up Dan, but sobs silently as he swallows the liquor and goes back to weeping to himself. The bartender then sits across Dan and ask if anything is wrong and does he need help. Dan looks up with his eyes glossy as if made porcelain glass, and his face red as if he was smacked across the face. Dan calmly ask the bartender what his name, the old and withering man replied with "Bart" Dan snickers as he finds that a bartender is Bart, because the first four letter of "bartender" is his name. Dan fixs his posture and looks Bart in the eyes, noticing that one of his old friend eyes is grey and bloodshot and constantly looking downward as if focusing on something on the floor. He ask what is with the deformitie of his eye, Bart sighs and pours another drink for himself and softly swallows the warming alcohol and tells Dan "I had an older bother, who pretty much invented the term asshole, but I loved him with all my heart. But one Christmas when I was young enough to know the meaning of family, my brother got a BB gun to hunt stray cats and raccoons" with a pause to down another liquid nummer "he was teasing me, and firing at my feet to scare me, if mom would have found out he was shooting his brother and not diseased filled animals mom would have token it away, but while he cut my toenails with metal bb's I trip and fell. The bb entered the side of my skull, piercing my eye and blinding my left eye forever" Dan just sits still looking at the empty shot glass pondering on why a mans brother would shot him. "But it's fine, he moved out two years later and haven't heard from him since, for all I know he maybe dead as we speak" Dan just berries his face into his cross arms now leaning on the old oak table. "So what's got a youngster like down?" Dan wipes his nose on his sleeve and looks Bart in his good eye "my brother died two days ago to a drug overdose, he was supposed to go to the movies but he ended up at a party and he tried a new drug and just died...and if that's not bad, my mom, my sweet mother has been dignosed with small cell cancer...and has a max of two years to live" Dan runs his hand down the wall over his name carved into the booth, "Dan and Sarah forever and for life" surrounded by a heart. "I don't like when people carve $hit into my wall but I left this because it was sweet, so how is the lady" as Bart began to pour yet another drink "dead" Dan whispered, "what happened?" Dan takes the drink from In front of Bart and downs the fluid without second wind. "She was at a hockey game and she decided to leave early because her favorite team was losing, on her way home a drunk driver swerved into her lane, head on collision, her legs were trapped by the Dashboard and steering wheel but her top half.....her top half flew out the windshield and landed on the side of the road, the believe she bled out before she hit the pavement " Bart got up and walked to the bathroom as Dan sucks the bottle away. Dan never told anyone his girlfriend died but he felt better telling Bart his true feelings. Dan walked into a bar, asked the bartender about a scar while his girl is smashed by car and I took this anti-joke way to far.

Why didn't the pharmacist set up his business in the jungle? Because setting up a pharmacy in the jungle is not a viable business option.

what did the comedian tell the audience? a joke.

Why did the girl ask her brother for aids? Because her room was a mess

Did you hear the story about the divorcee who was concerned about ecology? Her husband had been hitting her. Good for her to get away from that kind of abuse.

What has 4 eyes but can't see? A blind man wearing glasses.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops