What's so sad about a bus with mentally handicapped children driving off a cliff? There was one empty seat.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Why did the homeless man get skin cancer Because he didn't have a home so the Suns rays had been directed towards him For 3 years and he was to poor to purchase Sun screen

thumb_up thumb_down -74

What is the difference between Santa, and a Jew? Santa goes DOWN the chimney

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Your mama's so fat that she has type 2 diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Chuck Norris drove to McDonalds and ordered a Whopper. Much to his dismay, McDonalds does not make Whoppers, because that is the signature fast-food burger of McDonald's biggest competitor, Burger King.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

What do you do when life gives you lemons? Life is an abstract object incapable of handing out gifts, thus if given a lemon by life you should go to a doctor to make sure you don't have an undiagnosed disease.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito (from the Spanish or Portuguese word for little fly) is a common insect in the family Culicidae (from the Latin culex meaning midge or gnat). Mosquitoes resemble crane flies (family Tipulidae) and chironomid flies (family Chironomidae), with which they are sometimes confused by the casual observer. A blonde on the other hand is a Homo sapiens (Latin for knowing man), a primate species of mammal with a highly developed brain, belonging to the family of great apes, along with chimpanzees, bonobos, gorillas, and orangutans.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

How do you wake up Lady Gaga? "Poker Face"

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Women's football

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Nobody cares.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

I used to not like my beard, but then it grew on me.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Q: Why did the man have no legs? A: He lost them when his humvee hit a roadside bomb during his last tour in Iraq.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

How many years old is Chuck Norris? The same amount of years that it has been since he was born.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What do you call an asian guy in a police uniform? A police officer.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What would Michael Jackson do if he saw a naked child alone in an alleyway? It is unknown, as he cannot be asked about this hypothetical scenario due to his passing in 2009.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Patient: Doctor, I was cleaning my glass eye and accidentally swallowed it. Doctor: OK. Lean over and spread your legs. Patient: (Leans over and spreads his legs). Doctor: My God! This is the first time, in all my years of practice, that I've ever seen an asshole looking back at me!

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why do they censor everything on here? Because **** **** ******* *** ***** *****.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

A termite walks into the pub and says "Is the bar tender here?"

thumb_up thumb_down +35

what's funnier than 3 dead babies in a trashcan pretty much anything thats not funny

thumb_up thumb_down +35

(Knock Knock) Who's there? You were late paying your mortgage and now your house is being repossessed by the bank.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Chuck Norris walks into a bar. Everybody leaves except Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson never walked out alive

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What did Tim play with his friends? Nothing. He has no friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Q: What did the prostitute say to the other prostitute? A: I have AIDS.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

The duck says do you smell poop. Ya says the chicken, it wasn't me It was the turkey

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops