Friends are like potatoes. If you eat them they die.

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69

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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How do you keep children off your lawn? Molest them

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Why did the black man cross the road? Because he lived an worked on opposite sides of the road, and so consequently needed to cross the road to work, and provide an income for his family, so they could have fresh food, clean water, and have money to pay the bills such as the mortgage so they didnt become poor and homeless, which would inevitably lead to illness and an early death for them all.

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A Jew sits down next to a muslim at the bar. They great and discuss their day's events, they both order beers. Then they go home.

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A Banana wrote this...

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What do you call a man who has no heart? Dead

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Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue? A:Nothing. They're tubes of glue. Inanimate objects, such as a tube of glue, however adhesive the contents of said object is, are not capable of advanced speech, let alone basic communication.

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Q: why did a sanke have a rattle A: it was born wiith it

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Guy 1: Are you alright? Guy 2: No, i'm half left!

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What's the difference between a computer and a television?

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When life gives you lemons you get sugar and water and make some good lemonaide.

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What's worse than finding an apple in your wo- wait, what?!

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Why couldn't the duck get his driver's license? Well, it was a duck and as far as we're concerned they don't have thumbs or arms and are therefore incapable of driving.

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What happened on December 7, 1941 in Hawaii? People celebrated the 100th anniversary of December 7, 1841

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What did Helen Keller say to a stranger at a party? I earned a Bachelor of Arts degree, wrote several books, traveled to over 39 countries, and was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, one of the United States' highest two civilian honors, from President Lyndon B. Johnson.

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Women Voting

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I ate a pancake for breakfast not

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A: how do u wake up lady gaga? B: you poke her face

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Knock knock What

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how many prostitutes does it take to fix a lightbulb? it depends how much you pay them

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What did the dog say to the dildo? Your rubber

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No, but it was a nice chance to pretend to, that was the scheme part I might have mentioned, people never figure out that you are fucking them over at the present, if you tell them you fucked them off in the past, they start thinking backwards, often ignoring those tiny details straight in front of them. Listen, call me a bit paranoid, but who the hell is Septimus and AzureDragon or whatever the fuck his little geek name was?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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