Wy was the lamp crying, because his mother turned into mashed potatoes.

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A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender picks up a newspaper and squishes him

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Why does your mother not love you anymore? Because she was in a tragic car accident 5 years ago and is now deceased and is therefore incapable of love.

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Where did little Sally go after the explosion? Everywhere

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What happened to the man who dropped his soap? Nothing he picked it up and lived a happy life.

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Ok, I'll go ask someone else.

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A man and woman was sitting at a bar. The man bought the woman a roofied drink and she has never been seen again.

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why do elephants eat peanuts? so they can save the wrappers for valuable prizes

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What do you say to a very ambitious dyslexic child? You're ambition is inspiring and I encourage you to follow your dreams. Some of the worlds greatest people, including Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, and Winston Churchill were dyslexic. Your drive is much bigger than your disorder.

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Nero, I understand, what I thought was correct, was to teach people to understand those exact words that you are conveying. Its not that, I am afraid of showing the world the man that I am. But rather that I am not a man, I admire your vision, and tried to follow it, as we got much in, common, I can think as an individual and still admire your work. But you know how society is built, if too many find out I am a woman, then that not only reveals that I have been lying to them, which I have, but also that well, women are not exactly seen as equals, I know I never was, all people ever saw in me was "a great pair of tits".

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What do you get when you mix a mexican and a frenchman? A person of mixed racial heritage.

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When life throws you melons you might be dyslexic.

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Yo daddy!

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How its supposed to go: Knock knock Who's there? I eat mop. I eat mopwho? How my friend Cassidy did it: Knock knock Who's there? I eat my poo! Oh wait I screwed up.

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Why'd the chicken cross the road? It didn't. Chickens are raised on farms, which are away from society. They are taken care of in pens, and have no way of escaping. Therefore it couldn't have crossed any roads.

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Three blondes walk into a bar. I prematurely ejaculate.

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What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

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How do you save a black guy from drowning? You don't.

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What do you call a black guy who flies an airplane? A pilot, you racist.

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Y did a fat woman cross the rode? To get to McDonalds

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whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? -getting raped by 10 very hung men who go balls deep

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Why do showers in Germany have 11 holes? Because a regular human on has 10 fingers.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? No particular reason. It probably wasn't even aware the the ground it was crossing is what's termed as a road.

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Who am I? Your name is Harvey Jackson. Let's get you dressed so we can go downstairs for dinner. Nurse Holland will be helping you in a few moments.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops