What did one musician say to the other? "We should have gone to college."

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What's worse than being punched in the face? Being lynched.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A black man hailed a taxi cab. He got in, and the taxi drove him to his destination for an appropriate fee.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Ask me if I'm a human! - Are you a human? No. The correct term would be a human being.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

how do you take a shit in public? pull down your pants and push in public

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What did the hammer say to the drill? Nothing, they don't talk stupid.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What did the german get for christmas? an Easy-Bake oven and a G.I. Jew

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What happened to the Jew when he heard about the concentration camps being erected all over Germany? Nothing immediately. Then he and his family went into hiding where they were later discovered, taken to concentration camps and died along with millions of other Jews.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

There were once two horses names Bill and Ed who lived on a farm. Every day Bill and Ed would race from the old barn past the broken tractor to the tall oak tree. Bill was very fast, but Ed always beat Bill. After many months, Bill was fed up. "I've had it with you!" he shouted to Ed. "I won't race with you anymore." Ed was very sad. He liked racing very much. The next day, Ed asked Bill, "Hey Bill, come race with me to the tall oak tree!" But Bill said, "No, you'll just beat me. I won't race with you." Ed thought for a moment, then said, "Fine, I'll let you start 5 meters in front of me." Bill pondered the proposition. Finally, he agreed. They started at the old barn, with Bill 5 meters in front of Ed. They both started running at the same time. As they passed the broken truck, Bill was happy to see that he was beating Ed. But at the last second, Ed sprinted forwards and beat Bill. "Ed!" shouted Bill, exasperated. "I can't believe you beat me! I'm never racing you again." But the next day, Ed asked Bill to race again. "This time, you can start 15 meters in front of me." Bill pondered the proposition, then finally agreed. 15 meters was a long way to catch up. They began to race. Bill was winning, but at the last second, Ed caught up and beat him. "Ed! I can't believe you beat me! I will never race you again," said Bill. But the next day, Ed asked Bill to race him again. "No way!" said Bill. "This time, I'll let you start at the broken truck," offered Ed. Bill thought for a moment. The truck was very close to the old oak tree, there was no way Ed could beat him. So he agreed. They began to race again. Bill was winning, but at the last second, Ed beat him again. "That's it!" shouted Bill. "I will never, ever race with you again!" But the next day Ed asked Bill again to race him. "This time, you can start 10 meters from the oak tree." Bill thought about it. There was no way Ed could beat him if he started 10 meters from the finish line. But his thoughts were interrupted by the dog running over. He said, "Bill! Don't race him, he will surely beat you!" Bill was silent for a moment. He looked at the dog, then to Ed. Then back to the dog. Then back to Ed. "Ed," he said perplexedly, "I didn't know dogs could talk too!"

thumb_up thumb_down -26

A Jew throwing a dime into a wishing well? Highly unlikely.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What did the penny say to the other penny? Nothing, because pennies can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

A man was drinking vodka at his friends party. He got a headache. He told his friend, and his friend said that there was asprin in the cabinet. The man ate some. He died. He was stabbed from behind, and the blade pierced his lungs.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

How are you? Yes

thumb_up thumb_down -28

is your refrigerator running? yeah oh, ok. just making sure your food doesn't spoil

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Why did jimmy fall of his bike? Because jimmy was a goldfish

thumb_up thumb_down -30

A father of four joins the military. He returns home after his service.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

A guy walks into a bar. Yep.. that's it.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What do you cal a black boy with a bike? A thief

thumb_up thumb_down -32

How does Helen Keller do her taxes? Unfortunately, she doesn't. Her friends have strongly encouraged her to proactively contact the IRS to see if she can undergo a repayment plan of some sort and obtain governmental assistance for her future filings.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Roses are ??red Vilotes are ????blue I am single and now so are u???? no go move on I don't need u I have some weed and I'm willing to kill u

thumb_up thumb_down -38

whats red white and blue? i dont know

thumb_up thumb_down -40

I learned a new party trick over the weekend; I swallow a piece of string and it comes out my other end tied! I shit you knot.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

I got it Nero, lets just be friends for now and forget about the work I do here and you there.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Your mom is so fat, you might be dyslexic

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops