Woman: If you were my husband, I've give you poisoned wine. Winston Churchill: Madame, if you were my wife, I would hope we could have enough love to attempt marriage counseling so as to work out these issues.

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I use to be an adventurer like you! Then I got bored.

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Yo momma is so fat I really feel sorry for her.

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How its supposed to go: Knock knock Who's there? I eat mop. I eat mopwho? How my friend Cassidy did it: Knock knock Who's there? I eat my poo! Oh wait I screwed up.

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This schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson. She scored poorly from her lack of practice and experience and was turned off from the sport.

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Why did Sally drink water? Because she wanted to take pills and kill herself.

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pubic lice.

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there are 2 sausages in a pan. one sausage says "wow it's hot in here" and the other sausage says "MY GOD A TALKING SAUSAGE!!!!"

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You throw nothing like your mother; she is actually really good at throwing.

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How Do You Get Your Mom To Shut up? You Kill Her.

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Video Games

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Having sexaual relations with your own mother.

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dog

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Knock Knock? Who's there? Look in the peephole

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There are two horses in a stable. They were just talking about the weather and other normal things. Suddenly, the dog ran in. "HELP, HELP!!!" The dog screamed. Farmer Brandy got stuck in the tractor!!! The horses said, "HOLY SHIT........... A TALKING DOG!!!!"

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Q: Why did the singer stop singing? A: Someone threw a car at her face.

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Anti-Jokes is addicting, you know what else is addicting? Heroine.

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A Jew and a Muslim are sitting in a bar. The Muslim asks the Jew for some money to buy a drink. The Jew said, "how much?" The Muslim said, "$7.00" The Jew then said, "yes."

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What did the leper say to the prostitute? Hello Prostitute.

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Why did the african man wear no clothes? Because he liked being naked.

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What part of NO can't you understand? The part where you pronounce the 'N'.

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So anyways, can I have the last comment or not?

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? Names

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why was the man gay? because he likes men.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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