Your mother is so fat, that the doctor said, "Go on a diet or you will get a Cardiac Infarction."

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what's red and smells like water? Red food-coloured water.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man walks to a bar. The door was locked and had a closed sign so he walks away and goes home.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I went to a hockey game and the strangest thing happened; 2 players got into a fight!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

'Knock knock' 'who's there?' 'Whinny the poo' 'Whinny the poo who?' 'Whinny the poo'

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Whats worse than the holocaust? Finding an apple in your worm.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the homeless man get for christmas? NOTHING, he died.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Woman's rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q: What did Mr. Spock say when Captain Kirk was raping him? A: "Ouch! Ouch! Captain, this is so illogical!"

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q: How do you get a kleenex to dance? A: Put a little boogey in it!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What is funnier than 9 black fellas dead in a trashbin? 1 black fella dead in 9 trashbins.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the chicken cross the road. Because, It can't fly

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Knock Knock, Who's there? Satan. Oh **** go away.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Funny joke to play on an elderly woman: Take her cane and push her In front of a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Your mother is so fat that she has diabetes

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you call a person who is 6 feet under? Lost.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's big, red and eats rocks? A big, red Rock-Eater

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's brown and sticky? Poop.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you call a black man with a group of 5 white guys? Friends. What do you call a white guy with 5 black guys? a diffrent ratio of black and white friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the fat guy get a gun? Because he was tired of all the fat jokes...

thumb_up thumb_down -1

nine...eleven

thumb_up thumb_down -1

This night was a stormy one, alot was destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could blind some. Jonny lived in a village atop a hill. Citizens were frightened for their lives, all but Jonny. He was bullied from the age of 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest. Fear in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He said to himself, there will be nothing worse out there than Uncle Clive's Magical Basement. Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible. Finally, Rosie, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonny's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a carton of Ribena and his lucky medal and took his first step outside. He took the carton of Ribena, crumpled it up, spraying fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and shouted, "Nothing will stop me!". Jonny died shortly after of AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 5 years in prison for child molestation and consistant child abuse. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

a man walks into a bar it hurt

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops