baby loves lalma

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I told a woman to make me a turkey sandwich. Of course she complied since I was at Subway.

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Canada

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What did Helen Keller get for Christmas? A read along book

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Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito (from the Spanish or Portuguese word for little fly) is a common insect in the family Culicidae (from the Latin culex meaning midge or gnat). Mosquitoes resemble crane flies (family Tipulidae) and chironomid flies (family Chironomidae), with which they are sometimes confused by the casual observer. A blonde on the other hand is a Homo sapiens (Latin for knowing man), a primate species of mammal with a highly developed brain, belonging to the family of great apes, along with chimpanzees, bonobos, gorillas, and orangutans.

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What happened to the guy who ate an alarm clock at 6 o'clock in the morning? He nearly died, and was diagnosed with numerous dietary problems.

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I used to not like my beard, but then it grew on me.

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Women's football

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Ask me if im a tree Are you a tree? No

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What did the Polar Bear say when he slid off the iceberg? Radio

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What did Tim play with his friends? Nothing. He has no friends.

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What did santa claus say when he saw a girl standing on the corner? Ho Ho Ho... ;)

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What's worse than getting hit by an arrow in the knee? Being kidnapped for 10 years and finally getting free only to find out your whole family was murdered by the person who kidnapped you.

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A man walks into a bar. I don't know what happened next because I was waiting outside for my friend.

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A Jew picked up a penny. He thought his beard matched the guy on the coin.

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How many times have I told you not to do that? Fourteen.

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Waseem is not a funny guy!

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How do you stop a fire breathing dragon from breathing fire? Shove a hose down its throat.

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Christopher Walken to a bar.

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Why do reindeer pull Santa's Sleigh? Because Santa won't feed them if they don't.

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Q: what's red and goes up and down? A: a tomato in an elevator

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Larry stopped by today to drop of a package. The package was a bomb. So I gave the "gift" to my neighbor for her birthday. My Mom is my neighbor.

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Matt Damon

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What did the teacher tell the failing student? You will most likely be kicked out of our school and have no further education and be subjected to a low-level career.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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