Two strangers are sitting at a bar having a drink. One is a young, fat, red-headed guy named Fred. The other is an elderly grey-haired man. After a while, Fred turns to the old man and awkwardly asks: "Excuse me sir would ya' mind givin me some advice? There's this girl who has sat next to me on the bus every morning for the past three months. She's the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She always smiles and winks at me. I wannna ask her on a date but every time I go to do it I freeze. I just don't know what to say. I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm falling for this girl and I don't know what in the world to do. Any tips?" The old man continues to sit quietly, slowly sipping his drink. After a while the old man looks at Fred. "Hmmm" says the old man, as he thinks over Fred's question. "What is your name son?" He asks Fred. "It's Fred sir," replies Fred. "Hmmm," the old man says again as he continues to think over Fred's question. The old man then stands up, takes out a gun, and shoots Fred in the face. Fred never saw it coming.

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A guys walks up to a drug dealing looking to score some drugs. The deal was made an the man quickly arrested the drug dealer because he was actually a undercover cop

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A guy hit his elbow. Judaism.

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A woman walks into a bar and orders a pint of ale. "Are you a Lesbian?", joked the barman. "Yes", replied the woman.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was making a suicide attempt.

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Why was the little boy sad? Because a stranger stole his shirt.

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What is brown and sticky? A Stick

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What's easier to get than a broke hooker on the side of the street? Osama Bin Laden.

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A. I have a really funny knock knock joke to tell you! You start. B. Knock knock A. Who's there? B. ....

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What did the little boy with cancer do? He died.

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Why did the little boy fall down? Because he was shot.

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c+t+c?

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what is more annoying than finding a worm in your apple? An asian kid with ADHD.

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Hi

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's, sauce on apples.

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Q. What happened when a mouse ran up the clock and it struck 12? A. It fell off and got raped by an 80 year old Asian lady with breast cancer

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A man was drinking vodka at his friends party. He got a headache. He told his friend, and his friend said that there was asprin in the cabinet. The man ate some. He died. He was stabbed from behind, and the blade pierced his lungs.

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What's the difference between John Candy and Chris Farley? Nothing. They're both dead.

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Hello

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A Rabbi, a Priest, and an Atheist walk into a restaurant. They receive terrible service, and do not leave a tip.

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a retard lost...

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A black man sits down to have a legal conversation with his state appointed attorney for the first time being arrested. They lawyer advises him to tell him the truth of exactly what happened. He proceeds to do so and is provided with excellent legal advice.

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what is stupid and reading this you

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What did the elephant say to the goldfish? Nothing. Animals are unable to speak and fish aren't able to live on land

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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