Goats are like mushrooms. If you shoot a duck, I'm scared of toasters

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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What sits in a corner and travels all the way around the world? A stoner on hallucinogens.

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Yo Mommas so poor, when i went to her house and started to clear out the cob webs, she said why the heck are you tearing down the curtains.

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What happened to the guy who ate an alarm clock at six o' clock in the morning? He puked a lot, and was diagnosed with a horrible digestive disorder.

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What's worse than getting hit by an arrow in the knee? Being kidnapped for 10 years and finally getting free only to find out your whole family was murdered by the person who kidnapped you.

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Uh, erm, uh...I don't know.

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Roses are brown, violets are brown, who keeps shitting in my garden?

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A: ask me if I'm a truck. B: why? A: just ask me. B: are you a truck? A: no.

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Q: what's red and goes up and down? A: a tomato in an elevator

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what's the difference between ya mum and a cow? nothing. by mad james

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How do you make a baby cry? You throw a brick at it's face.

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Smart Blondes

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How do you kill a dinosaur? You don't. It's already dead.

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What is green and red and spins around? A frog in a blender

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why is 4 afraid of 5? Because Monkey's eat purple pineapples

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What do you call a group of Mexicans crossing the U.S. border? A travel soccer team.

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What did the kid say when you gave him a cookie? Thank you.

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Roses are red Violtes are Blue Sugar is Sweet and salt is salty

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? -Hey! Where's my tractor?

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a house red. Babies, especially dead ones cannot paint.

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Why was Timmy sad?

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And now, A cow pretending to be a man: Jeff: Alan, are you a cow? Alan: What?! No! Cow: Yah me neither you guys want to go skatebords? *Awkward*

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Roses are red, Sometimes they're thorny, When I'm around you, I get kind of Horny

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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