what's funnier than hell? heaven

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"Knock, Knock" "Who's there?" "Banana." "Banana who?" "Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "Banana." "Banana who?" "Knock, Knock" "Who's there?" "Banana." "Banana who?" "Knock, Knock" "Who's there?" "The police. We're looking for three escaped inmates posing as bananas."

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How to confuse a blonde. Buy 14 monkeys dye them purple and orange and hide them in her wardrobe

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Dad they tell me I am homosexual at school, what does it mean? Ask your boyfriend.

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What is the difference between Santa, and a Jew? Santa goes DOWN the chimney

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What do you call a black man driving a police car? Officer

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What did Jeff say to the guy who stole his car? Can I have my car back.

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A teacher notices one of her students clutching a cat. She asks him why. The boy, tearfully, explains that he heard his father tell his mother that he was going to eat her pussy when the kids left for school. The teacher laughs and, the class being 10-11 years old thereby at an age approaching biological curiosity, decides to mix this in with a sex education video she was planning on showing them a few weeks later. She then phones the boy's parents who come to collect the cat while reassuring the boy that it is in no danger. The cat was popular with the boy's classmates and they would often go to visit him as a result. Many years later, just after the boy started attending university, the cat was put to sleep at the age of 13 due to liver cancer. The boy placed a Facebook post in honour of his feline friend, which was spotted by a former classmate of his in a routine search who happened to be attending the same university. They ended up reacquainting and beginning a sexual relationship, which was how the boy lost his virginity and eventually blossomed into a 37-year marriage resulting in three children.

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How did the stapeler disappear? I ate it.

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What did the Polar Bear say when he slid off the iceberg? Radio

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Yo Mommas so poor, when i went to her house and started to clear out the cob webs, she said why the heck are you tearing down the curtains.

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Yo' Mama so nice that she donated a kidney and saved a life

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Why didn't the blonde get into college? She was killed in a car accident.

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What's worse than getting hit by an arrow in the knee? Being kidnapped for 10 years and finally getting free only to find out your whole family was murdered by the person who kidnapped you.

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96

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My wife and I have been married for ten years. She is a great care-taker and I couldn't be more happy. Then she asked me to make her a sandwich, I went to the kitchen and into the knife drawer...well I think you can guess what happened after that. I cut the meats, and I made her a sandwich.

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What's the difference between a lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a lamborghini in my garage.

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Incey-wincey Spider climbed up the water spout. Down came the rain and washed the spider out. Out came the sun and dried up all the rain. But sadly, the spider had drowned. [L]

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Two goldfish are sat in a tank, one says to the other 'I forgot who you are' to which the other replies 'I forgot what you said'.

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What did Helen Keller get for Christmas? A read along book

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Twisty Snake bite: Doctors office. Patient: Err Doc, a snake bit me in the err, private area... Doctor: I must suck out the poison immediately! Patient: What? Man! Are you sick? How do I even know if the snake was poisonous? Besides they only do that crap in bad jokes! Doctor: Yeah but this is an anti joke so drop em! Later at home: Wife: So did the Doctor help you dear? Patient: Worst doctor ever, he really sucked!

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What do you call a pig with 57 nipples? 3 more nipples and you can call it a 60 nippled-pig

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What do you call a group of Mexicans crossing the U.S. border? A travel soccer team.

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if a kayak was stuck in a tree with its headlights on, how many pancakes stacked will it take to get to the moon? none because snakes dont have armpits

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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