whats long and hard and full of seamen a penis

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Q:Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple A:You have AIDS

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what do you call a Ukranian woman without a visa? my maid

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Why are "Polish" and "polish" spelled the same? The word is a homophone.

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What is funny about 9/11. Nothing, it was a tragic day for the world.

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How can you tell that a blonde has been using a computer? You can't. There's no common link between computing habits and hair color.

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A guy and a girl look at a dog licking his crotch and the guy utters "damn I wish I could do that" The girl says: I can totally do that! "really? prove it" the guy says. The girl walks towards the dog and says "you just need to pet him so he don't bite you"

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What's worse than 20 babies stapled to one tree? Getting life imprisonment after...

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Where do black jews go? The back of the oven

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knock, knock! who`s there? it`s me ! who me? yes!

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Why did the child step on a ball?

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Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet, Eating her curds and whey; Along came a spider, Who sat down beside her But was offered the window seat, Because this was Little Miss Muffet's stop

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Why couldn't the little pirate see the movie? His dad had just died in a freak accident on the boat. He was going to the funeral that day. Life as a pirate isn't at all as it seems. Little Jimmy the pirate, had nothing. He had no family. His mother dead already, his sister and brother refusing to speak to him because he ran off to be a pirate with his father. Clearly, he had no idea what he was getting into, because his father was gone. What was he to do now? He had no one to go to. The ship mates were all either completly insane or never sober. That very night, Jimmy took the pistol off the ship captian and shot himself point blank in the head. Little Jimmy is in a better place now. With his mother and father. In a place where he cant be harmed any more. I miss you Jim <3. ~ Jack Sullivan

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I ENJOY MASTURBATING

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What's worse than your mother dying in a car crash? Your father dying in the same crash.

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Wanna hear a joke? Toyota

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What has wings, is bald, and can't fly? A bald eagle. I lied about the part where it can't fly.

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Whats worst than the world ending? Charlie Sheen Not Winning

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Knock knock Who's there Ummmm....me u r looking right at me O yeah Ummm... Now what U knocked? No. O Ye Ok Alright cya

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What did the finger say to the thumb? Nothing, fingers can't talk.

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How do you make a panda toot? You punch it in the stomach.

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Why did the airplane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Why did the girl hang herself? She was constantly bullied in school and on the internet.

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Why did Dave not hug his wife? Because she looked horrifying from the Iraq war.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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