Why couldnt Jimmy swing on the swing? because Jimmy's a fish

thumb_up thumb_down +71

Why cant Michael Jackson take flying lessons? Because he overdosed on pain killers, and is now dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

What is this a book??!!! What am I supposed to do...... READ IT?????!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Is it a sin to love math? Cos I don't. I'm radical about it.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Why was the little girl crying? She got slapped with a porcupine.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Do you know the Muffin Man? Of course you don't, faggot.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

A guy walks into a restaurant and sits down only to realize he is not wearing any pants. Immediately the police are called and arrest the man for indecent exposure. Given there were children in the restaurant at the time, the man is also charged as level 3 sex offender and is held on $100,000 bail. His wife commits suicide from embarrassment, leaving her 10 year old son up for adoption who later gets involved with drugs due to his rough childhood.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic, And so am I.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

What's the same between a plum and a rabbit? They are both purple, except for the rabbit.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

what did the banana say to the apple i dont know because bananas dont talk

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, The middle one's for you!

thumb_up thumb_down +45

What is worse than a Catholic priest being caught red handed raping 7 kids? 1. Thou shall not steal. 2. Thou shall be kindeth to thy neigbour... 3. Not attending to church is a sin... Moral: Catholic priests need to get their priorities straight... or gay, just not pedo!

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Women's rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Q:why do bananas where sunscreen? A:beacause they peel!!haha

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Roses are brown, violets are brown, who keeps shitting in my garden?

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She has no arms or legs. Knock knock Who's there? Not Sally

thumb_up thumb_down +41

How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Popsicle!

thumb_up thumb_down +41

whats black and yellow and makes you smile? a bus full of black people going off a cliff. do you shame is? there was three empty seats.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

a man walks into a gay bar. he was gay.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Incey-wincey Spider climbed up the water spout. Down came the rain and washed the spider out. Out came the sun and dried up all the rain. But sadly, the spider had drowned. [L]

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Why did the bird fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because he was stapled to the bird

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was an animal of minimal intelligence and didn't know of the underlining risks involved in crossing a high speed passage for cars and other road baring vehicles, the presence of the chicken in the road also prompted further danger for the drivers involved in the situation. This resulted ultimately in not only the death of the chicken in hand, but also caused two cars, one with a male driver aged 35 and the other with a female driver aged 42 and her two children, to collide. This cost hundreds of pounds in damage for the male driver, who escaped with minor injuries, and the death of one of the woman's children. The whole event was an unnecessary disaster.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

And now, A cow pretending to be a man: Jeff: Alan, are you a cow? Alan: What?! No! Cow: Yah me neither you guys want to go skatebords? *Awkward*

thumb_up thumb_down +37

How do you kill a dinosaur? You don't. It's already dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops