1+1=3 If you don't use a condom.

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What do you call three black men in a car? One driver, and two passengers.

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Roses are red Violets are red Daisies are red Tulips are red Magnolias are red Weeds are red Carnations are red Crap, my gardens on fire.

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What's brown and sticky? Shit.

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How do you know when Taylor Swift is dead? When you don't hear Boyfriend songs anymore

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Waiter, waiter! There is a fly in my soup. Sorry about that sir, we will replace your order and make your meal complementary.

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Not an anti-joke, but an anti-pick-up-line: How much does a polar bear weight? Not as much as you!

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Canada

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What did the cat say to the dog? "Meow."

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My wife and I have been married for ten years. She is a great care-taker and I couldn't be more happy. Then she asked me to make her a sandwich, I went to the kitchen and into the knife drawer...well I think you can guess what happened after that. I cut the meats, and I made her a sandwich.

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A penguin was waddling along one day and saw a seal.. The seal stood up and procceded to talk and jump and even twirled around... The penguin realized this was impossible for a seal to be doing this so he hopped on his unicycle and just rode home because he was going to be late for his piano recital

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What's worse than getting hit by an arrow in the knee? Being kidnapped for 10 years and finally getting free only to find out your whole family was murdered by the person who kidnapped you.

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Why did the cookie go to the docter? Because he was dieing of terminal cancer.

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What did the Polar Bear say when he slid off the iceberg? Radio

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Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet, Eating her curds and whey; Along came a spider, Who sat down beside her But was offered the window seat, Because this was Little Miss Muffet's stop

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A man goes to lie down on a couch. His wife walks by and sees him, and asks, "what are you doing?" to which he replies, "lying down"

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If you are a girl reading this! why did you stop making some food?

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What did the squirrel say to the owl? Nothing, because owls and squirrels don't talk, but the owl ate the squirrel because it's a bird of prey.

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A termite walks into the pub and says "Is the bar tender here?"

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Yourrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr soo uglyyyyyy

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What is Helen Keller's dogs name? She had fish.

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69

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Every 60 seconds in Africa, a Minute passes.

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What did the racist wife give to her black husband on their anniversary? Golf clubs because he liked to golf.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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