I always tell people " I have the heart of a child! " Then I continue "It's in a jar on my desk"

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A man was building a new kitchen for his wife. Just as he was installing the sink, his wife comes running into the kitchen and starts cursing. "What's the matter?" he asks. "Don't you like the new sink?" His wife replies, "I love it. But come quick, there's a spider in the living room!" The man walks over with a paper towel, grabs the spider, and throws it into the garbage. The wife looks at the husband, smiling, and says, "Thanks."

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How did the chicken cross the road? By foot.

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why was 6 afraid of 7? because 7 8 9

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How do Ethiopians celebrate Christmas? They don't there to worried about dying from Aids and starvation

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What do you call a bird with wings? Redundant.

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why did Max cry??? chicken

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If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is around to hear it - Is there still a woman in the kitchen?

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knock,knock who's there? the postman didn't answer as he is deaf

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What do you call a former pope. Dead!

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Why do they call it a clock radio?... because it's both.

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How many penguins does it take to cover a dog house? Purple, because the Ice cream has no bones.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

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The duck says do you smell poop. Ya says the chicken, it wasn't me It was the turkey

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Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A blonde is a Homo sapien (Latin for knowing man), a primate species of mammal with a highly developed brain, belonging to the family of great apes, along with chimpanzees, bonobos, gorillas, and orangutans . A mosquito on the other hand is a common insect in the family Culicidae (from the Latin culex meaning midge or gnat).

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Have you ever met a black man who wasn't good at basketball? I have, quite regularly.

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Roses are red Violets are blue In Soviet Russia They had communism

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Why do Jews circumcise their children.......because they like everything 10% off

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Why cant Jesus play rugby? Cause he's nailed to a cross

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Why did the airplane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? They can't, because feminists can never change anything!

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a blonde and a brunette sit down to take an IQ test. They both scored above average and were very proud.

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Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have H2O too." The bartender gives them both water, realizing that H2O2 is poisonous and that the second scientist must have simple worded his request poorly.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs after he got into a fight with his cat? You call him by his name and apologize for leaving catnip on his head.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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