A blonde read the newspaper the other day and she saw "Sarah Piplin-laid by 5000 men" She reported it to the owner of the company as I felt it was not appropriate for a family newspaper. The person at the other end of the line asked the blonde, "are you blonde?" "Yes, how do you know?" she replied. "Because it says Sahara Pipeline, you idiot!"

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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-Knock knock -Go away -*Breaks door and shoots*

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why are they called the melbourne storms? Because you turn 360 degrees and walk away

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Your mother is so fat that when she passes in front of the tv, I lose 3 seasons of the series

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Your mother is so stupid she never finished College thus having to work many menial jobs to provide for her family.

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Dude? What. Dude? What! Wheres my car?

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chuck norris is meeeeean to pain.

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What did the guy do with the tv remote? Turn on the tv

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Knock Knock Come in. Come in who? You're a dumbass.

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My Japanese girlfriend left me the other day... I am now depressed and have resorted to comfort eating.

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You throw nothing like your mother; she is actually really good at throwing.

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How Do You Get Your Mom To Shut up? You Kill Her.

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what's worse then droping your phone. 9/11 having sex with the holocaust

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What's better than winning a medal in the Special Olympics? Not being retarded.

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Abe Lincoln, George Washington, George Bush and Barack Obama are sitting at a table at a bar. They all realize that none of them know each other, wonder when in time they are, have mental breakdowns, and run screaming into the night.

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Damn kids and their evasive tactics.

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Which came first, The chicken or the egg? Well, Firstly, I suppose that depends on if we are discussing Creation or Evolution. If we are talking about Evolution, The Chicken must Logically have evolved from an egg laying creature, one which was similar to, but not quite a chicken, so, the first chicken hatched from the egg of said creature. However, if we are discussing Creation, there is no way to discern which the deity in question decided to create first, so, even odds. Therefore, Logically, there is a 75% chance the Egg came first. However, if we are discussing Chicken Eggs Specifically, the reverse is true, because the egg the first Chicken hatched from would not have been a chicken egg, it would have been the egg of another creature, a "proto-chicken" if you will. and so, in the evolution scenario, the Chicken came first. Still, in this situation, there are even odds as to which a creator may or may not have created first. Therefore, Logically, in this Scenario, there is a 75% chance that the Chicken came first

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Clement: Hey love. Want to go out on a date? Patience: No. Clement: That's all right. Your agreement is not needed. *Clement ties up Patience's hands and feet, gags her and puts her in the back of his meat delivery van. He is planning to throw her into the sewers.

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What did the homeless man get for christmas? NOTHING, he died.

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What do you do when you see a one legged black man? Stop laughing and reload.

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What does a Jew do when he sees a masked man at his door? He grabs a phone to alert the police and hides in his bedroom.

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What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Michael Jordan? Their last names.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Its a chicken, giving it the tendencies to wander if not properly fenced in.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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