Why was the baby upset? Because it accidentally killed its twin brother by pushing it off the bed.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

See you ******* dogface! All right? You're a compulsive *********** sit on that swivel! Stop swearing!

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What do you call a man with no brain? dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

why did the chicken cross the road?? to go shopping for some aspirin because one of his children recently developed a raging headache and it was only logical for him to go to the pharmacy that was conveniantly placed across the road.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What did the squirrel say to the owl? Nothing, because owls and squirrels don't talk, but the owl ate the squirrel because it's a bird of prey.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A Jew picked up a penny. He thought his beard matched the guy on the coin.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

How many Grand Jurists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on if it was a cop that snuffed out the light bulb.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

How do you kill a dinosaur? You don't. It's already dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Whats worse than a mother of 3 children, jumping off a bridge, smashing into the metal roof of a large car and dieing on impact? A mother of 3 children jumping off a bridge, smashes into the metal roof of a large car, survives,, becomes paralyzed, and has to explain to her children, why she is in a wheel chair for the rest of her life.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

what do you call a Ukranian woman without a visa? my maid

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Your social life

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Why can't dinosaurs talk? Because they're dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A boat drowns in the middle of the water. Everyone dies except for an Asian guy. Why did he live? Because he could swim.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Roses are bright, Violets are sad, I like sprite I'm really struggling for ideas at this point

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What's better than winning gold at the special Olympics? Not being retarded. - Blake Woodman

thumb_up thumb_down +31

who can jump higher than mount everest? anyone. mount everest cant jump

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Becuse 7 was a convicted serial killer. >----->

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A man goes to the doctor suspecting he might have erectile dysfunction. The doctor raises an eyebrow and asks, "Does it come up a lot?" "No."

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What do you call an indian who is underwater? A scuba diver.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why did the little girl fall down She was shot in the leg

thumb_up thumb_down +29

So there's A blonde, a brunette and a redhead at a lake. they all swim across and have a picnic at the other end.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why cant Jesus play rugby? Cause he's nailed to a cross

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What do you call putting a toad in the microwave? Animal cruelty.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Yeah, just went for more ice, its hot as hell here, and yeah its the weather, I dont mind you using valium, is that the same as Xanax? My mum uses it sometimes, she is afraid of heights and well, has to fly a lot so its complicated, if you dont mind, I have always wanted to know more about you so shall we?

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops