A whale walks into a bar, everyone says Hey, Ashely!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To escape her abusive father

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How can you tell you're in a childrens' ambulance from the inside? From the clown patterned body bags.

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What's orange and doesn't bounce? A flat basketball

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What is next?

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What color was the fence before it was painted green? Not green.

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Why does the jailbird sing? It makes Bubba horny.

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What do you call a man who has no heart? Dead

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Knock Knock Come in. Come in who? You're a dumbass.

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What iz stupid? Hibiyav

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How do you keep an extraordinary magician from performing his show? Replace his shampoo with battery acid

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What do you call a group of black people? You don't You call the cops first.

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Norm Macdonald's roast of Bob Saget.

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This is probably how President Obama proposed to his wife. "I don't wanna be Obama self"

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead-

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Q: What is so funny about a dog chasing his tail? A: The dog cannot figue out that it his own tail, and every time he moves so does the tail. Therefore never reaching a satisfying end for the mentaly chalanged mutt.

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why did the chicken cross the road? to give a doctor the cure for cancer but some ass hole ran him over

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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Why didn't the chicken get to the other side of the road? Because chickens are in farms

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Where did Lucy go after being hit by a train? Well, the results of this question are somewhat difficult to pinpoint, but here is a generalized ratio model. 47% of Lucy went underneath the trains wheels and was left behind, crushed into the railway sleepers. 33% was thrown aside and discarded around the SIDES of the track. 19% was carried on the front of the train, into the next station where it fell off as soon as the train stopped. 1% was found in Mount Everest.

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- I have cancer. - SUCK IT UP!!!

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S.O.P.A

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My Japanese girlfriend left me the other day... I am now depressed and have resorted to comfort eating.

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A man walks into a bar... and recieves a concusion and short-term memory loss

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops