- Ask me if I'm a firetruck. - Are you a firetruck? - No.

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What's wrong with shooting an african american? Everything, it's murder.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, The middle one's for you!

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She has no arms or legs. Knock knock Who's there? Not Sally

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What's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods? Santa is a jolly Christmas figure that delivers presents to children and Tiger Woods is a professional golfer.

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Not an anti-joke, but an anti-pick-up-line: How much does a polar bear weight? Not as much as you!

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Beans beans, they're good for your heart, the more you eat the less at risk you become to such health problems as diabetes and heart attacks. The increased carbohydrates and antioxidant properties maintain a manageable balance for the body's digestive system to maintain a good constant internal environment.

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Two drunk men were in a bar fight, they smashed beer bottles on each others heads and walked away because it hurt.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side... But he got hit by a car instead, Life is full of disappointments

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What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels

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why is 4 afraid of 5? Because Monkey's eat purple pineapples

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Why did the rabbit like to wear shoes? It doesn't.

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What do you call a black guy with a fan? An African American male Homo Sapien who is most likely hot and sweaty and is probably trying to create cold air and then reduce how hot they are likely reducing the sweat glands natural instict to create ameliorate of sweat and then make him feel better.

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How do you torture Helen Keller? Leave the plunger in her toilet with the handle greased.

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A termite walks into the pub and says "Is the bar tender here?"

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Incey-wincey Spider climbed up the water spout. Down came the rain and washed the spider out. Out came the sun and dried up all the rain. But sadly, the spider had drowned. [L]

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Q: What's worse than 10 dead babies in a tree? A: I'm sure there are lots of things.

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Why did the bird fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because he was stapled to the bird

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I always tell people " I have the heart of a child! " Then I continue "It's in a jar on my desk"

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there are 4 men in a bar talking about how well their sons are doing with their lives. But one man goes to the toilet. So the first man says 'my son is doing really well he is the head of a airline company and for christmas he got his bestfriend a plane.' The second man says' My son is doing really well he has his own car brand and for christmas he got his bestfriend a brand new car.' The third man says' Well my son is doing really well, He owns his own housing estate business and for christmas he bought his best friend a 250'000 sq foot mansion. The fourth man comes out of the toilet and all the three men say ' We are talking about how our sons are doing in their lives so what about yours.' The fourth man goes' well my son is gay but its not that bad because for christmas his three boyfriends got him a new plane, a new car and a 250'000 sq foot mansion.'

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Why is amouse afraid of cheese? Because they usually die when they get it

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*Knock Knock* Who's there? Nobody. Go make some friends.

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The duck says do you smell poop. Ya says the chicken, it wasn't me It was the turkey

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If John has 32 candy bars and he eats 28, whAt does he have? Diabetes. John has diabetes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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