When life hands you lemons, Squeeze them in the eyes of children

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Two strangers are sitting at a bar having a drink. One is a young, fat, red-headed guy named Fred. The other is an elderly grey-haired man. After a while, Fred turns to the old man and awkwardly asks: "Excuse me sir would ya' mind givin me some advice? There's this girl who has sat next to me on the bus every morning for the past three months. She's the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She always smiles and winks at me. I wannna ask her on a date but every time I go to do it I freeze. I just don't know what to say. I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm falling for this girl and I don't know what in the world to do. Any tips?" The old man continues to sit quietly, slowly sipping his drink. After a while the old man looks at Fred. "Hmmm" says the old man, as he thinks over Fred's question. "What is your name son?" He asks Fred. "It's Fred sir," replies Fred. "Hmmm," the old man says again as he continues to think over Fred's question. The old man then stands up, takes out a gun, and shoots Fred in the face. Fred never saw it coming.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What happens when Brittany Spears is hungry? She goes to taco bell for food

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A. Wanna Hear a funny joke? B. Yes! A. The WNBA.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What is a dinosaurs favorite chips? Doritos.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

DON'T expect the unexpected, you don't want to KILL the unexpected ;-)

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Women's rights.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the cock was on the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Hey, Max!!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

I'm gay.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How many dead babies can you fit into a bathtub? 17

thumb_up thumb_down -10

whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? genocide whats worse than genocide? getting raped by a giant scorpion

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do you call a supporter of Barrack Obama? A welfare recipient

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did the deaf, blind, poor orphan get for Christmas? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -10

If u and I jumped off a cliff..who would land first? who cares..

thumb_up thumb_down -12

i'm not gay

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was tied to the first monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

It's kind of hard to die when you're in a freezer.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

An Oldish (probably 27) man walks into a chuck-e cheese, He then puts on his coustume.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why is it called a tea kettle Because it is a kettle and you make tea in it

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did the little boy cross the road? He didnt. He actually got halfway across the road and was struck by a fast moving car. There is now a memorial on the side of the road mourning his death...

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? A: Drowning.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

did you know the leading cause of funerals is death?

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was making a suicide attempt.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops