Why are elephants big, grey, and wrinkled? Because if they were small, white, and round they'd be called aspirin.

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Why did the man take off all his clothes? He was going to take a shower.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To mourn the loss of his daughter who died due a fatal car crash, caused by him while he was driving. across the street

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How did the semen cross the road I put on the wrong sock this morning

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Friends are like potatoes. When you eat them, they die.

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How can you tell your woman is cheating on you? When you witness her having sexual relations with another man that she is clearly enjoying.

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A termite walks into the pub and says "Is the bar tender here?"

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*Knock Knock* Who's there? Nobody. Go make some friends.

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How many jews can you fit in a car? That depends on the volume of the car and the size of the people involved - different cars are of different sizes and can fit a different number of people. For instance, you could probably fit more than 20 midget jews in a van but you could probably not fit as many overweight jews in a coupé. However if you put some effort into getting as many standard sized people, in this case jews for reasons unknown, into a standard size sedan you should be able to fit about seven or eight in the car itself and one in the trunk, making a total of nine or ten.

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Why couldn't Roger become an astronaut? Because Roger's a toaster.

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How is the difference between a door? Its a chicken, because they don't have wheels.

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What is so sad about 5 black people going over a cliff in a Cadaliac? That was my Cadaliac

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What is brown and sticky?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it noticed that there may be foodstuffs on other side.

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Did you hear about the black guy who went to college? I did too, he worked hard for four years, partied in moderation, but graduated with a degree in chemical engineering and became very successful in the business world in order to support his wife and two children.

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While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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Whats black and white and red all over? A penguin in a blender

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So there's A blonde, a brunette and a redhead at a lake. they all swim across and have a picnic at the other end.

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Why did the little girl fall down She was shot in the leg

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream cone? He got hit by a bus.

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How are eagles and jellyfish the same? They both fly but jellyfish don't.

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How do you have sex with an amputee? stick it in the eyes

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Why did Hellen Keller get hit by a car? She didn't see it coming. (TD)

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what do you call a slave with a dream of being free? whatever his name happens to be

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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