What has two heads and one body Conjoined twins

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding two worms in your apple.

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What is worse than being blind? Having a brain tumour.

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I walked in on my daughter masturbating. The whole ordeal was very uncomfortable, but I sat her down at the dining table to discreetly explain the necessity of locking doors.

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Wanna here somethin funny? Nope.avi

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There once was a squirrel. He lost his nuts.

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Justin Bieber

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chickens are rather unintelligent animals which evidently do not understand the dangers of crossing a busy road.

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Chaney is a dumb b****

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You are the weakest link. Goodbye.

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Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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How do you confuse a blond? Ask her to solve ( [3x - 3x^2 +1]^744 ) x ( [- 3x + 3x^2 +1]^745 )

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gdfhtrfcgsexdfchrthgdfggfhtdtfhdtyfgfdfcghfgdyghhyrtfgrdfdffdtgdfgfghrthfg Alzheimer's.

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What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy kids.

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how do you make a blonde laugh on friday tell her shes a blonde on monday

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Knock knock Who's there? It's me, Dave. You still wanna go to the movies? Oh, yeah...let me grab my wallet.

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How many people does it take to kill the president? A number

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What did the the Priest do to the young alter boy? Blessed Him

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What did the doctor tell the boy with no arms or legs? I'm sorry, you have terminal cancer.

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a man walks into a bar he is promtly escorted out due to the fact that he wanted to kill the bars owner. The man got life in prison with no chance of parole. This mans name was Michael Myers.

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Why did the Jew pick a dollar off the ground? He dropped it.

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What's room temperature and tastes like ice cream? Melted ice cream

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why did the chicken cross the road? because the light was green

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This is Jeff and I gots to take a HUGE SHIT. I bet its gonna be smelly and runny. After I wipe I'm gonna lick it and taste it. I bet it tastes GOOD. I hope it has a lil blood in it too.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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