Kid: Hey,can i have all the answers to this test please. Teacher: What the hell kid im the fricken teacher.

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Whats green and fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree you'll die? A pool table.

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What's meaner than taking a candy from a baby? Tossing the baby of a cliff

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why did the baby cross the road? i stapled his head to a chicken!

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What do you call a black guy flying a plane. A pilot

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uhh i dont feel like writing a joke

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What do you call a fish that is missing an eye. fsh.

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Roses are black Violets are black Everything is black Because I'm blind

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What's the difference between a duck, an engineer, and a leaf? There are many differences between these 3 that I will not list them all.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house. No. Neither has he

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What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench? The Mexican is alive and the park bench isn't.

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Why cant penguins fly? because they cant

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Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs? A: Probably right where you left him, since animals with no appendages have no way of mobility

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How many blondes does is take to screw a man? one and a condem

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What did the dog say to his owner? Nothing, dogs do not have mouths that are shaped for forming words. Talking would require too many complex movements of the mouth, and since a dog's brain is very small, it would not have the capacity to hold that much information.

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Why did the man drink water? Because he was thirsty

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why did Max cry??? chicken

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm.

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How do you kill a fly? Shoot it

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Knock knock. Who's there? James. James who? You know, from across the road? But where's the punchline? This isn't a joke. Isn't it? No. Can you still add a punchline? OPEN THE DOOR!

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Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor? A: Because he had terminal brain cancer.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was an animal of minimal intelligence and didn't know of the underlining risks involved in crossing a high speed passage for cars and other road baring vehicles, the presence of the chicken in the road also prompted further danger for the drivers involved in the situation. This resulted ultimately in not only the death of the chicken in hand, but also caused two cars, one with a male driver aged 35 and the other with a female driver aged 42 and her two children, to collide. This cost hundreds of pounds in damage for the male driver, who escaped with minor injuries, and the death of one of the woman's children. The whole event was an unnecessary disaster.

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A man is walking down the street when, on the other side, he see's another man, with what appears to be an orange for a head. Unable to contain his curiosity, he approaches and enquires: "Excuse me, but I couldn't help noticing that you have you have an orange for a head..." "That's right" says the man with an orange for a head. "I met a magical genie one day who granted me three wishes..." "Amazing" says the first man, "Please continue". "Well, for my first wish, I wished I was incredibly rich, and that every day, I woke up in a four-poster bed full of used bank notes, and a statement with twenty zeros". "Did that happen?" askes the first man. "It did indeed", replies the man with an orange for a head. "I'm probably the richest man in the world". "Amazing!" replies the first man. "What did you wish for next?" "For my second wish, I wished to be incredibly attractive to women, and that every day, in my four poster bed full of money, when I awoke, there would be three of the most beautiful, naked women imaginable." "Wow! Did THAT happen?" "Of course! To be honest though, that gets a bit of a bind - walking around is a bit difficult these days, in fact, I'm on my way to pick up some cream." "No way, that's amazing!" says the first man. "What was your third wish?" "Well..." replies the man with an orange for a head, "For my third wish, I wished I had an orange for a head."

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whats worse then getting raped by a giant scorpion? getting raped by 2 giant scorpions!!!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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