Jack and Jill climbed up the hill .... and fetched a pail of water.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What walks on four legs in the morning, two in the afternoon, and one in the evening? A dog that plays in traffic all day.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A man goes to the pound to adopt a dog and sees a very shaggy dog and says "WOW! Thats a shaggy dog I'll take it!" So the man takes home his new dog and decides to enter the dog in the towns anual shaggy dog contest. and wins. After winning the town shaggy dog contest he moves up to the county shaggy dog contest. theres no competition. Now the man and his dog enter into the state shaggy dog contest, the states shaggiest dogs are all competing. the man wins. Finally the man and his dog are in the prestigious national shaggy dog contest. The judge walks up to the man and says "your dog isn't very shaggy"

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Little Timmy walked up to the teacher and asked her "Can i go to the restroom?" The teacher said " I don't know, CAN you ?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

thumb_up thumb_down +20

A mushroom walks into a crowded bar, the bartender says "we don't serve your kind here." Protestingly, the mushroom replies, "why not? I am a spore reproducing eukaryote!" Everyone stares as an awkward silence ensues.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

If you're a man, why don't you want to drop the soap in prison? The shower floors are disgusting and carry bacteria. No way would any person -- man or woman -- want to touch it.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why don`t women need watches? Because in our modern society, there are many clocks in most locations.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

why couldn't the blonde change the light bulb? because he chose the wrong sized screwdriver from his tool box

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why didn't the blonde laugh at my blonde joke? She's dead. She should of laughed at my jokes more.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why was six afraid of seven? It wasn't. Numbers have no feelings.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

yo mama's so ugly, it affects her self esteem.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

A man walks into a bar, his alcoholism is crippling his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Q: What do you call a black man sitting on a bench? A: Whatever his name is.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was thrown out of the way

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Q: What word contains all the letters in the alphabet? A: A made-up word, probably.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A man, a woman, and their son were happily going out for a nice family dinner. The family they ate wasn't so happy.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Q: What did the anorexic girl do for thanksgiving? A: Nothing, she was paralyzed from a fall 2 days prior and nobody had found her yet.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Roses are red violets are blue this poem make no sense microwave.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

cot!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What smells, tastes, and looks like trash? Garbage.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

knock knock who's there? al-Qaeda

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Dr. Dick Howard Long visits a friend in England. Arriving at his friend's house, he knocked at the door. A butler then lets him in and asks, "Sir, would you like to wait while the Master bathes?" The doctor then replies, "Sure thing, I'll wait until he's done."

thumb_up thumb_down +18

why was the Jewish child sad? He was recently abandoned by all his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

One time a man cut off Chuck Norris while driving, and Chuck Norris kindly excused the man's lack of consideration for his fellow drivers.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops