Why did the man have a bad day? Well first of all, his wife left him, then his two kids both committed suicide, then a large falcon pecked at him genital area. After that he proceeded to be hit by a car, and soon after he was hit by a bus. Following this, his corpse was raped by a transvestite pig, and then finally his spirit got hit by a plane on its way up to heaven, knocking it to Hell.

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how do you stop a speeding car? Put your foot on the brake

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What's the most annoying thing in the world? Yourself. (Your friends are saying it too, behind your back)

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Why was the little girl lying on the floor. Because she got shot.

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what do you call a diver with no arms and no legs? a bobber

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Why did a guy with schizophrenia does it take to walks into a bar.

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why was the Jewish child sad? He was recently abandoned by all his family.

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I saw a man with a hungry look in his eye, like the kind you get from not eating for a while

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Mary had a little lamb, the doctor fainted.

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Has anyone told you, you look fat today?" "Because you don't.

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cot!

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I pissed myself the other day in Harrods when I saw a Somalian boy run up to a curtain saying mummy.

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What did the poor guy get for christmas? The homeless guy.

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A man walks into a bar, his alcoholism is crippling his family.

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Q:what do you call a black guy with a gun A:racial equality in our nations armed forces

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I told my friend a joke. He didn't laugh, I asked why. He said he was autistic and he does not understand humor.

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Teacher- "Sally Sue, a sentence that starts with I, please."\ Sally Sue- "I is..." Teacher- "no, no, Sally Sue, when you start with I, you must follow it with am." Sally Sue- "I am the 9th letter of the alphebet."

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Oh, I must be hearing things.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Nothing...he found it.

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guess what? chicken butt.

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We're out of mustard, so in your sandwich I used some yellow liquid dripping from a dying rhinoceros.

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Q: what happens when you throw a red rock into a blue lake? A: a splash.

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What do a grape and a spider have in common? Both have 8 legs..... Except for the grape.

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What's a thither? My sister with a lisp.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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