Why did the man steal 2 watermelons? He was a shoplifter and had a background of crime

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Why couldn't the Chinese man drive? Because he didn't have his driver's license yet.

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why cant sophie lifeguard safely because she cant swim that good

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How do you realize your life is over? You don't, but the coroner does.

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roses are green violets are red im shooting heroine into my head

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Why did Jill fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why didn't Jill get up? She had no legs. Why didn't anyone help Jill up? She had no friends.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To mourn the loss of his daughter who died due a fatal car crash, caused by him while he was driving. across the street

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Bin Laden is dead.

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Rebecca Black.

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A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English. It is confused by it surroundings, and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

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Whats lemon scented and you shouldn't drink? Bleach

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A priest, a rabbi, and an atheist walk into a bar. They sit down and have a calm discussion about the differences in their beliefs.

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What do you do when a guy pulls up in a van with piercings and a gay lisp, what do you do? Get in the van.

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A welsh guy walks into a pub. This something any average guy would do.

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What do You call a black porn star from alaska? By their first or full name depending on your relationship with them and the situation.

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A person walked into a bar, he saw it was the wrong bar so he leaves...

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Knock Knock, Who's there? The Police. *No Answer* The police then give the S.W.A.T the signal, bust down the door, and kill 15 high profile targets issued by Liberia. The man who did not answer the door was Carlos Pedrouez, a serial killer, meth addict who has been apart of the Arizona sex slave trade for over a decade. The world can now sleep softly. The door was also red.

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Roses are red. Violets are red. Everything is red. I soaked it in the blood of small children.

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding half a worm? Biting into an apple and slicing your mouth on a razorblade

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Women's sports.

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Why cant i stand up? Cause i shat my pants

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-How do you pull a prank on Helen Keller? -Stick a plunger in the toilet!

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If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is around to hear it - Is there still a woman in the kitchen?

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My wife and I have been married for ten years. She is a great care-taker and I couldn't be more happy. Then she asked me to make her a sandwich, I went to the kitchen and into the knife drawer...well I think you can guess what happened after that. I cut the meats, and I made her a sandwich.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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