What do you call 10,000 lawers jumping out of a plane? A good start.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on your couch? My brother.

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so he says "aaahhh". then i threw a fridge at him

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Why couldn't JImmy walk to school? A:Jimmy is in a wheelchair.

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why did the man paint his house? because he never wanted to paint his house

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1, 2, buckle my shoe. 3, 4, shut the door. 5, 6, I'm gonna to cut you in your sleep.

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How many jews can you fit in a car? That depends on the volume of the car and the size of the people involved - different cars are of different sizes and can fit a different number of people. For instance, you could probably fit more than 20 midget jews in a van but you could probably not fit as many overweight jews in a coupé. However if you put some effort into getting as many standard sized people, in this case jews for reasons unknown, into a standard size sedan you should be able to fit about seven or eight in the car itself and one in the trunk, making a total of nine or ten.

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Why did the man drink water? Because he was thirsty

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*Knock Knock* Who's there? Nobody. Go make some friends.

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What do you call a woman who has one leg that's shorter than the other? Asymmetrical.

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Why did the blind man commit suicide? Cause his wife was so ugly he went blind and become depressed a shot himself...twice.

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I don't often drink beer. But when I do, I recklessly beat my wife and kids.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Who the hell named a blue flower "violet"?

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Microsoft Windows

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While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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how did the horse fall into the river? he sliped

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What happened to the latino and asian man in math class when they had a test? They both recieved exceptional scores as they both helped each other study the night before.

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Q:What are black people so good at basketball? A: Because they are black!

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Q: What kills millions of people each year and sneaks up behind you unexpectedly? A: HIV/AIDS

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2

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Did you know every 46 seconds somebody commits suicide Thumbs up for pancakes!

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Roses are red Violets r blue My name is Dave Microwave

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Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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