Fuck yourself you piece of shit.

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Three men are on a plane*. (*Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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What is 10 inches long and didnt get sucked on valentines day? Whitney Houston's crack pipe.

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sticks and stones may break my bones but cataracts will prohibit you from eyesight

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What is the difference between a black guy and an asian? They are both black, except the asian

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What's worse than the front page of anti-joke.com? The 4945th page of anti-joke.com, as those jokes have been rated poorly by other users.

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What is worse than a paper cut? two paper cuts What is worse than two paper cuts The Holocaust What is worse than The Holocaust Three paper cuts

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1+1=3 If you don't use a condom.

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Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because he was dead.

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why did the man blink because i put a gun to his head.

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What do you call a guy selling drugs? A pharmacist

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What do you call a black man driving a police car? Officer

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Life is like a box of chocolates. You eat them. get fat. Die.

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What do you call a pickle with a cape? A pickle with a cape

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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What do you call a person with no eyes? Blind.

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Q: How much does a hipster weigh? A: It varies largely by hipster, the same way it does with any other person.

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Why did Helen Kellers dog run away? You would too if your name was Hjshdvcyehbretafvvba.

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a blond, brunette, and red head run away from cops and hide in potato sacks. the officer went up to the brunette and kicked the potato bag and the brunette went "woof" "woof". the officer went to the red head and kicked the potato bag and the red head went "meow" "meow". the officer goes to the blond and kicked the potato bag and the blond went "potato".

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Why did the jelly baby go to school? Because he was brought up in a middle class background and wanted a full education to further his future career

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Why does Kony kidnap infants? To create an Infantry

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What did Steven Hawking say to God after he died? Nothing. He can't talk.

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Why couldn't Larry walk his dog? Larry doesn't have a dog.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Becca. I just found out i have aids, so you should probably get yourself checked out.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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