Your mother is so ugly that your father no lomger finds her attractive

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What has 14 eyes, 14 legs, 70 toes and 7 noses... 7 people.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

When I was at the beach digging in the sand I looked down and someone said nehow

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Roses are red Violets are blue What was I saying? Oh yeah, your adopted.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A boy goes into Mourne View and meets a girl what happens next? He's now a father living off of the dole.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a soda. The bartender says, "We don't serve soda." The guy then says, "oh", and walks out.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you call a black man driving a car? A driver.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

women leaving the kitchen

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q. On a scale of 1-100, how immature are you? A. 69.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Wanna hear a joke? Women's rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

whats pale and white your ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What is blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck Chuck Norris? Cheese on toast.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Knock knock Who's there? No-one who??? *Silence*

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the woman do when her husband told her to make him a sandwich? She made him a sandwich promptly.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have alzheimers, Cheese Toast!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? Cause he's Chuck Norris

thumb_up thumb_down +8

one day tiarnan got banged by a goat

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you do when you see a one legged black man? Stop laughing and reload.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How many ears does Chuck Norris have? Two.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do you kill a blonde? lightsabre to the throat should do it

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I hate being bipolar, it's so awesome.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

- knock knock. ... - knock knock. ... - heey! ... (There is nobody at home.)

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops