Tomorrow, today's yesterday.

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What did the man say to his wife? Go make me a sandwich!

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Your mom is so fat, when she sat on a lump of coal she didn't realize she sat on a lump of coal.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a house red. Babies, especially dead ones cannot paint.

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What did the black man say to the other black man? Nothing, he was recently involved in a terrible car accident which he barely survived but lost the function of speech and was paralysed from the neck downwards. He is constantly in pain and desperately wants someone to kill him but has no way of communicating this so is forced to wait until his natural death.

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Knock Knock, Who's there? The Police. *No Answer* The police then give the S.W.A.T the signal, bust down the door, and kill 15 high profile targets issued by Liberia. The man who did not answer the door was Carlos Pedrouez, a serial killer, meth addict who has been apart of the Arizona sex slave trade for over a decade. The world can now sleep softly. The door was also red.

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Looks through the peephole.

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How do you get them out? Tortilla chips

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Wy did Bryan eet his Dumbelllle? Anderson fell asleep again

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What do you say to jacks mum when your having Sex? Nothing she's dead.

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What is as ugly as Justin Bieber's face? Justin Bieber's face.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

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Ask me if I'm a tree Are you a tree? No.

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Two colleague janitors sit next to each other in the coffee room, one says to the other: About yesterday... I checked three times and it looks pretty normal. Sorry... I wasn't around to hear the question the other posed the day before, but I heard it's supposed to be pretty funny with this answer. So... Less is better then none, right?

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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Your mama is so....well we've been friends since childhood and I know your mother passed away recently. So, as to refrain from being an insensitive jerk to a good friend. I will tell this joke to someone with a mother who is fat, dumb, lazy, ugly, or has a combination of these traits. Or has none of these and happens to be a nice lady with a son/daughter who just enjoys a good mama joke.

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What has two wheels, two arms, and a head? A man in a wheelchair. Why was he in a wheelchair? He stepped on a landmine. A man walks, I'm sorry rolled, into a bar.

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knock knock your gay

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This is my rifle, this is my gun, one is for shooting, the other is decorative.

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Why didn't the depressed girl go on facebook? She was dead

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Hey, do you want to play the r.a.p.e game ? NO! That's the spirit

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Q: Whats more fun that nailing babys to a fence? A: Ripping them off.

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What has four legs, its yellow with black spots, and can run as fast as a Cheetah? Another Cheetah

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Whoa! A talking carrot!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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