Why did the monkey scream? He was hungry

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How do you make a kids fall off a swing? Throw an axe at them

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's black and full of coke? a bottle of coca-cola

thumb_up thumb_down +11

One day, Jimmy didn't wake up.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

"luke Bastiaan" "So, whens your period?"

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do you call a black man who flies planes? A pilot, what do you call him you freaking racist!?!?!?!?!?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the carrot say when he was Chopped. Auch.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Giving birth to the antichrist

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms or legs. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Suzie.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's worse than being swallowed by a blue whale? Being swallowed by a bule whale with herpes.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

I just made up a joke! How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? Seven. The ending needs some work...

thumb_up thumb_down +9

We're out of mustard, so in your sandwich I used some yellow liquid dripping from a dying rhinoceros.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Wanna hear a joke? Me too.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

My friends are like trampolines I have none

thumb_up thumb_down +9

a duck walked into the 7-11, grabbed a slurpee and told the man at the register, "put it on my bill". But the man behind the counter was Indian, and could not understand what the duck was saying. The duck then walked out confused, wondering why he was buying a slurpee in the first place

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Q: Why is winter the best season? A: It eliminates the homeless.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Whats funnier than killing a black guy. Nothing, it's not funny.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why can't Tommy the T-Rex clap? Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 Million years.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

why did the little old lady die? she was mugged then shot in the head 5 times.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the chicken cross the road? To escape her abusive father

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What is worse than 10 dead babies in a trash can? 1 dead baby in 10 trash cans

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Roses are grey, violets are grey, im a dog

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops