How does a black guy call to another black guy in Africa? using a telephone

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face.

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When my Xbox died, my girlfriend said: "Finally, you can treat me the same way you treated that thing!" So I tapped her so hard that she died

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This is'nt a joke but like if it pisses you off when people comment on there own joke pretending to be someone else.

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What do you call a black Arnold Schwarzenegger? Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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The burgler walked into the house. Nobody noticed the initial intrusion. The burgler quickly left. The family of which was stolen from woke up the next day and enjoyed a hearty breakfast of grains, oats, and barley without a worry on anyone's mind.

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A person walked into a bar, he saw it was the wrong bar so he leaves...

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What does a cupcake get for Christmas? A fat kid.

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? UPS.

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Two drunk men were in a bar fight, they smashed beer bottles on each others heads and walked away because it hurt.

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How do you find a needle in a haystack? You don't, you're too distracted by the pile of adorable kittens next to it

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What Starts with P and ends with O-R-N? Popcorn.

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How do you get a movie star to go out with you? Blackmail.

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What's the difference between an old quarter and a new penny? 24 cents

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What's the best joke of all? YOUR SOCIAL LIFE!!!!!!!

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Why can't santa fit down a chimney? No one can

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Why was the orphan crying? His parents were dead and his future was uncertain.

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What's samller than a table but can't go under it? A baby with hay fork in his back.

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Why was the asian so good with computers? Because he spent 8 years in college getting a doctorate in computer programming at the University of Hartford

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Knock, Knock! Who's there? Matt. Matt, who? You're friend Matt that you texted twenty minutes ago telling me to come over.

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what is a vampires favorite dessert? a used tampon

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Q: What's black and blue and red all over? A: I'm not sure. If it's red all over, it's not going to be black or blue.

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The mouse and the elephant went to take a bath. They had a nice time.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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