how do you stop a speeding car? Put your foot on the brake

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Q: how many Pollocks does it take to paint a house? A: 100. 99 to spin the house and 1 to hold the paint brush

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what is poop in pee? bagel thins? tuesday.

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Your mom is so fat, when she sat on a lump of coal she didn't realize she sat on a lump of coal.

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Tomorrow, today's yesterday.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a house red. Babies, especially dead ones cannot paint.

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What did the mushroom say to the pretty lady? Nothing, because it's a mushroom.

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What did the man say to his wife? Go make me a sandwich!

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What did the black man say to the other black man? Nothing, he was recently involved in a terrible car accident which he barely survived but lost the function of speech and was paralysed from the neck downwards. He is constantly in pain and desperately wants someone to kill him but has no way of communicating this so is forced to wait until his natural death.

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Looks through the peephole.

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Wy did Bryan eet his Dumbelllle? Anderson fell asleep again

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Ask me if I'm a tree Are you a tree? No.

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What has two wheels, two arms, and a head? A man in a wheelchair. Why was he in a wheelchair? He stepped on a landmine. A man walks, I'm sorry rolled, into a bar.

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This is my rifle, this is my gun, one is for shooting, the other is decorative.

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Hey, do you want to play the r.a.p.e game ? NO! That's the spirit

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Pen. Pen who? Pen is blue. The pen is blue. THE GOD DAMN PEN IS BLUE!!!!

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If god gives you lemons You find a new god.

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A Muslim blows up a bar

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DONALD TRUMP DIES

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Farmer Ned chased his chickens before they laid their eggs, because he likes his eggs scrambled.

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A man claims to own a talking dog. A skeptic approaches the man and his dog and asks for a demonstration. The man asks his dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" The dog says, "Ruff!" The skeptic is not convinced. The man then asks his dog, "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog, who like all dogs cannot fully comprehend human speech, proceeds to lick his balls.

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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A Jewish man with a boner walks into a wall. What hit the wall first? Probably his penis.

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Why did the penguin go to the cookie shop? He didn't, penguins don't eat cookies

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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