A man walks into a bar... And orders a drink

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Why can't Jesus eat M&M's? Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.

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"did you hear about the midget's self-murder?" "No, what happend?" "He jumped off the curb"

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What's green and invisible? This cabbage.

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What do Laura Bush and 9/11 have in common? George Bush did them.

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A white guy, a mexican, and a terrorist each throw something out of airplane Then they realized it was a bad idea and karma gave them cancer because they may have hurt someone

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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The phantom menace is the best star wars movie

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Why does this dog have herpes? Global Warming.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

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Why couldn't the pirate get into the adult movie? He had just spent the last of his money at Ihop with his friends, and is now regretting ordering two Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruitys when he was really only hungry for one.

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How do you kill a blond wearing a hat? Shoot her in the face.

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You know George Washington? He died.

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SAD STORY: Boy: Make me a sandwich. Girl: No.

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What does a Jew do when he sees a masked man at his door? He grabs a phone to alert the police and hides in his bedroom.

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Q: why did the plain crash A: because the driver was a loaf of bread

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How many times does it take a blond to start a car? Usually once; however, the weather may have an impact how well the engine will spark.

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what do you do when a woman tells you no? cut her tongue out

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Doctor! Doctor! Can I have a second opinion? The Doctor then sits the patient down and tells them from a different perspective that they have terminal Cancer and will be dead by the end of the year.

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Pavel Novak

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Your computer will self - destruct in 5 seconds

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Knock Knock, Who's there? Satan. Oh **** go away.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Pizza. Pizza who? Delivery.

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A Man walks into a car dealership and asks the salesman "How many of these Blue ones do you have in stock" ? The salesman looks at the Man and begins to cry. "Why are you crying" asks the Man "I had a dog named Blue once" replied the salesman. And then he ate a taco in front of the Man,wiped his hands on his slacks and slowly backed away from him. The Man thought to himself..."Gee I'm hungry" and left the car dealership to go buy a taco instead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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