What do you call a women with two black eyes? Someone trapped in the cycle of violence that is domestic abuse. The few friends and family members she still speaks with tell she should leave. They don't know about the last time she threatened to leave him, when he held a gun to her throat and screamed "You try an leave me I'll kill you and your precious god damn babies!" Now she suffers silently for fear of what he might do to her family, but is increasingly worried about the way her husband has begun looking at their 13 year old daughter. Every night she kneels at the foot of her bed and prays for death, over the sounds of her own sobbing and her husbands drunken rage. Also she is a slow learner.

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roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, which is a serious mental disorder in which I have difficulty properly experiencing reality. It should not be confused with multiple personality disorder, which is a completely different disease with different symptoms.

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NEVER

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Q: Why did little Johnny not like little Suzie? A: He was a homosexual.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the car? Get in the car!

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Whats worse than your camera not working? getting hit by a fridge during the Holocaust

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How come Jimmy didn't take his math test? Dead babies can't take math tests!

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Knock, knock. Who's there? The IRS.

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ollie is a fag so are you

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What did the apple say to the orange? Nothing. Fruits can't talk.

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How are cherries and kittens different? They're both fun to cut up.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qg6AkhIYVs

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What do you put on top of salad? Salad Dressing.

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What do you call a school bus full of white kids? A school bus.

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Q. What gets louder as it gets smaller? A. A baby in a paper shredder

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What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Nothing, fishes don't speak, and due to their short memory he's probably forgotten about the event already, although he may have a pretty bad headache

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baby seal walks into a bar

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-Hey, Larry! How much is one plus one? -Two

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BARRACK OBAMA.............WHAT A JOKE!!!!!

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your family is so poor that you require healthcare to recieve money

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A man is walking down the street when a woman asks "excuse me, have you got the time?" to which the man replies "Yes..yes i do" the woman thanks him, and continues with her time constricted shannigans.

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What do you call a person trying to save his interprise from partaking in a financial collapse by binging on alcohal? An alcoholic.

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What happened when Dave tried to break the record for most marshmallows in the mouth at once? He choked and died.

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A father gives some golf balls to his son on his son's birthday. The son then goes into the woods with the golf balls, and then comes out without the golf balls. "What did you do with the golf balls?" asks the father. The son says nothing. On Christmas the father gives his son more golf balls, and the son does the same thing. He goes into the woods with them, and leaves without them. Again the father asks what he did with the golf balls, and the son says nothing. This happens for many holidays to come, until the son gets hit by a bus. In the ambulence, the father asks; "One last question ,what did you do with the golf balls?" The son dies

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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