What happened to the black man when his alarm went off? He got up and took a shower. Then he got dressed and went to church because it was Sunday.

a show horse jumps over a bar

if japanese cars are called riceburners would german cars be called jewburners

arse

Obama enters a KKK meeting Obama: Oh sorry I thought this was the Kentucky Fried Chicken... the font was so small so... as he starts backing off scared... KKK: leader, of course Mr.President, feel free to come again anytime! Moral: Kings Knocking Ketchup is actually a nice place if you not unlike me enjoy ketchup...

Q) what happens when you tackle someone with 2 legs? A) you fall over

Why was six afraid of seven? It wasn't. Numbers have no feelings.

What's worst then lose 100$ Lose 101$

What's black, white, and red all over? A white man's bleeding cancerous tumor.

You are welcome, hey, I love hearing that you love me... And I do not hear voices, except yours when I read this. Now take care of yourself for my sake, and yours, we are and have always been a team you and I. You are right, and I did not lie, I said "I am a hydrophobe" and while I do not fear the ocean, showering is like being right back in the hell I crawled up from. Now I dont know if I cant sleep anymore, containing panic is pretty hard with my limited willpower and focus, but it cant be helped, you know Zopiclone does shit to me, but Alice had no idea. It pains me to say it, but then again I told my wife, Eliza, I am in love with you, and have been so for many years, you know, like a man loves a woman, and if you think I am lying, you are just being silly. This is not hypnosis, its just me getting stuff out of my mind to release this tension causing anxiety, and its not cheating, its the very same reason people admit deep secrets to each other when they think they are going to die and such. It might be the stuff in my head talking, but I am pretty smart for a 32 year old guy with lots of drugs in the brain huh? Ritalin just helps me stop being sad which is just how I react on Zopiclone and not how I feel. The reason I know these things and dare consider myself wise, is not because of my dedication alone, it is because I have spent much of my life finding out how to fight off the physical and mental damage my parents caused me, at one time it was something I could barely live with, they drugged me with stuff that made me feel nothing but pain and laughed, then got upset when they discovered I survived. I just recently got far better by realizing that I did nothing wrong to deserve any of it, I just wanted for them to love me, my mother hates my father, so in her eyes I am her worst mistake, but nothing excuses the way they treated me, nothing. Sounds like I am dying, its just fear settling in, I do not fear death, and I would be suicidal if I did not know that nobody can escape death, so why hurry huh? You and my wife inspire me... ...Part of me sees you as my wife as well, I even told my wife I cant help but feel I am married to two people, its not about sex, thats just something I say to put you off, its about the intimacy I feel just being there with you, and now I have copied your energy into aura, you are here with me, the anxiety is gone. Sorry, I just needed to get out lots of stress, in order to fit in peace, and I hope you read this and let me know, because I cannot override the part of my mind that refuses to go into complete calm, unless it knows that I have revealed my feelings, to somebody that cares.

Women's Rights

THere was three bees eating Honeynut cherrios one of them had a speech impediment.

ive got 99 problems and my diabetes is one of them

onranges are orange bananas are yellow and apples are red/green ................... and im ................. PINK (lw/kc)

Why didnt the kid go in the pool? Because there was no pool!!

AVI IS A FAG

A boy goes into Mourne View and meets a girl what happens next? He's now a father living off of the dole.

Why did Timmy stop running? He got hit by a bus

-Knock Knock -Who is it? -Your father, i forgot my keys.

What did the woman do when her husband told her to make him a sandwich? She made him a sandwich promptly.

What's worse than throwing 8 babies off a cliff? Throwing 1 baby off a cliff.

An Asian woman is driving home from work. She gets in an accident and is killed instantly. Her family is traumatized.

How do you make a plumber cry? Make his family cry!!!!!!!!!

Do you want to hear a joke? Well, I do too.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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